Lingering Still

Hi everyone!!!!

Oh My God!!!!! I can't believe that it's June already, and that 2016 is only...6 months away!?!? Jesus, time flies so fast nowadays. Anyway, I have finally (and successfully aced) my 4th semester, thanks to God I could learn a lot of new things and got to know a lot of really really amazing people--worked with them as well-- and reached our success together this semester. I really look forward to work together with all of them again and hopefully in the next 2 semesters (which are going to be my final semesters --sobs) we'll perform better either academically or non-academically.

My God, as I wrote the first paragraph above, it really does hit me that I only have 2 semesters left before I actually go to med school (big amen!!!) and learn you know, the real stuff in order to become a doctor. Well..you know what, actually, after all these preparations I have done in these 4 semesters, I'm still contemplating whether I'll really go to med school or not. It's stupid to say so, I know, because my parents and all of my surroundings have always expected me to become one since I was a kid. And being the usual person that I am, I just can't disappoint them. I just can't. But I don't know whether this is something that I really wanted to do, whether this job is my passion or not. Jesus, I don't even have a passion in anything! You see, thinking about this makes me so damn confused. I feel like I'm the only one left in my year that doesn't have anywhere to go. People are so densely sure of what they're going to take, of what they're going to be, of their choices meanwhile I'm here, typing all of these words, unsure of what I'm going to be--doctor or no-doctor!?

The thought of disappointing people that I love has been haunting my mind since forever. I can say that I'm the weakest person out there when it comes to family and friends, like I'd actually surrender or sacrifice the things that I love in order to make them happy. But when it comes to your dream, would you give it up in order to live up to others' expectations? I know that most of you that are reading this right now would think NO-- and believe me I do too-- but I don't know how it's just different for this one. I know exactly that I have to do this, because you have no idea how proud my family would be. And hey-- I think I just figured out one thing. That's my dream actually, my dream is to make my family proud and happy. They've taken care of me really well and they've done a pretty good job on both raising and educating me, so I guess this is the only thing that I can do in order to make it even.

Don't take this the wrong way, me becoming a doctor isn't fully based on my family or my surroundings' demand, but I'm also willing to become one. Ever since they started to put up their hopes on me, I realized that maybe becoming a doctor isn't that bad after all. I've always loved hearing and helping others sort their problems out and I guess this is my way of channeling it. So yeah, I certainly hope that things would work out for me until next year, hopefully I can graduate and proceed to med school and everyone finally gets their happy ending.

To everyone who has the same problem as me, I'll just let you know that you're not the only one who is still unsure of which path you're going to take. What I can say to you is that just study your hardest, work your ass off, believe in your dreams, and don't ever give up on it. (Like i do. LOL just kidding!)

Until next time, and happy holidays everyone!!!!

Smooch,

M

Invisible

To you,
I've always been.
Will always be.

this December.

Soooo, hi!

How are you guys doing? I hope you're all doing good cause I'm currently, on top of the world. It's not difficult for you to decode the reason behind my happiness--it's because I, (and hundreds other people) have finished our 3rd semester, earlier today!! Whoo!! The results are going to be taken in like a few weeks from now, but all I care about right now is not the GPA--nope. It's December and it's actually my favorite month ..after February.

Oh, how I love December. It's getting nearer Christmas and I just can't control my excitement.
Like there's just always something good about December. Though it doesn't snow here, but the rain is just enough for me (I've written about how I love the rain in my previous post). It's actually been raining a frigging lot since the end of November, and uggggh I just hope it won't ever stop. I just really wish that the weather would continue being like this until eternity. I like to just close my eyes and imagine to be here at this exact place

So lovely and calm.

"Sweater weather" as they might say, (I may or may not just quoted a song by The Neighborhood but I've never even heard the song. Literally) the rain has made 90% of the population as mellow as ever. Every single post I see on Path this month has a correlation of not being able to move on to breaking up to giving up on love and such. And I just can't help but to be affected by it, though yes on the other side, I really am sick of it. I can't help but to join the melancholy team, and yes I plead guilty for listening to those sick cheesy songs ....and for putting it online on Path. (or 8tracks. or last.fm. oops.)

My favorite song at the moment is Just Ain't Gonna Work Out by the amazing, Mayer Hawthorne. (Speaking of which, I went to his show a few months ago and I got a chance to actually take a selfie with him! He was so nice and kind. Really hoping to get his albums on vinyls for my Christmas present this year) Anyway, I've been listening to the song every single day cause it fits the whole situation it's not sappy and sad and mellow and melancholy yet the lyrics are right-to-the-heart. They say, you can label a girl's current relationship status just by looking at her current favorite Mayer Hawthorne song--so yeah. About that.. I'm trying not to think about it at the moment. Things are bound to happen anyway and with or without a particular person in your life, you must go on. So yeah, I'm thankful because that particular person has entered my life, stayed (even only for a short period of time), made me happy and even though in the end chose to left, I'm still grateful for the time spent. :)

Enough of the telltale of a hopeless romantic, I really can't get over the fact that 2014 is coming to an end. As much as I'm disappointed of how time flies that fast, I'm also really excited to start a new chapter. New years are the best actually, I've always loved new years since I was a kid. It's like you're given a chance to turn things all around, a new beginning and just start fresh. A blank page. And hopefully a new character to fill the story on that page..? ;) Just kidding.

So yeah, that's all from me. I really need some sleep cause I haven't gotten enough since like a week ago. I wish you all have a wonderful week though the days before Christmas are usually the most hectic ones (especially students--complete your tasks before due date!!) while I spend mine.. maybe, just maybe, I'll use the rest of my remaining December to heal.. to get over it, to get over __.