brain roll(s) and deep thoughts

why hello der! what's the cracka lackin erryone yooooo
{read in half gangster - half british accent. how so? figure out yourself.}

so first of all, i have no idea why i wrote 'brain roll(s)' as the title post and why i did that intro. (because i can). it just wind into my mind and if this explanation helps, brain-roll isn't like sushi roll. *quick tip : don't imagine a brain-roll, you'll puke bricks. literally.

...i just wrote a whole paragraph about brain-roll, which i don't even know about its own existence, but meh.

and this is getting off-topic and nowhere so, yeah.

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(play Set The Tigers Free by Villagers to add more realistic sense, it helped me write this post.)

Sorry for abandoning this blog with quality writing (haha!). i've been through a lot of things and problems and struggles with my own self. For some reasons, I've distant myself from some things that i sadly can't write here (because it's too personal, sorry.), but hopefully i'll get better/recover soon.

I've been thinking a lot, deep thoughts nor easy ones. considering i'll leave in approximately a year from now, i have a lot to leave, gain and/or take.

to be honest, i haven't been using time quite wisely these 5 months. I didn't think about stuffs and like MGMT said on their song 'Kids', no time to think of consequences. I didn't think- i just did. That left me a little bit of remorse when i think back about them.

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To lose some or leave things behind.
I have to leave a few things or maybe a few certain people behind. Which is quite a sad thing, because i personally know that 25% of myself are going to miss them. But like what society has taught and told me, they said that we'll eventually change. People change, we change, you change. Being the no-jimmy-protested type of person myself, i think i must agree... to disagree.

Instead of being told that i've changed, i'm going to act normal and say, 'I don't change, i just learn to live myself out of yours.'.

Because no matter what, we can't keep thinking that those stuffs are coming back, and happy or not, we'll have to face another day, with or without them.

To get some or gain slash take.
I still need to learn a lot-- we all are. There are lots and lots of things for me to gain or take from all the people that surround me everyday. Not to be exactly like them, but learn how to be like them.

Aside from gaining others' great deeds, i also promised myself to gain a whole lot of experiences before i leave.
Experiences. Sad, happy, winning, losing. I've been told 'No'-s a lot. Got rejected, replaced, ignored and despite all the sadness after it, the whole scenery gave me a rather exciting experience. Cheesy and cliche but it's true though. Now I can see why a lot of people can relate to the infamous 'Experience is the best teacher' quote.
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Despite all the stuffs above, I might as well pull an LMFAO and get all the fun and keep being the person i was yesterday, but i think it's not the best decision to take. Growing up as a better person ain't as easy as it seems. Because in fact, everything is not what it seems.

But after all, by doing all the stuffs i've written above, i think i'm ready to leave.