Farewell, Notes and Wishes

Hello again!
To make it short : Finals week has finally ended! I am over-the-top happy, because these scores are the last ones that I've yet to input in order to fulfill the requirements of my scholarship. I have worked super duper hard for the past 2 years, and I'm just gonna leave everything to God. I will wholeheartedly accept and be grateful towards any result I may get next year. So yeah, fingers crossed!!!!

Anyway, IT'S HOLIDAYS SEASON!!! Hahaha, I'm always super duper hyper when it comes to December--cause it's the last month of the year and this time I just can't wait for December to be over already cause I'm really looking forward to 2016 tbh. 2016 will be my first year of med school (big amen), and I believe it's also an important year for everyone else as well. My brother's probably taking his masters degree, my boyfriend's first year of work, and a lot of people I know are getting married next year. AND also!!!!! Winner's 2016 comeback which I have been waiting since early this year but for some reason YG kept pushing their comeback and iKON got all the spotlight instead:( (don't get me wrong!! I'm so happy for iKON as well because they finally got to debut which is amazing!!)

So yeah, since it's December, I'm now ready to bid my farewell to 2015. As a starter, 2015 was a whirlwind. I can't say that the whole year was kind of a rough patch but I can say that the last half of it (June to November) was a bit tough. The early months of this year (January to June) was the most fun I've ever had in a while to be honest, I got to know a couple of people who I didn't know would become very important to me now, spent a lot of fun with them, got involved in some events that were too fun to describe and I hope that I could maintain this very good relationship with them and hopefully next year we can graduate altogether and get our happily ever after! The last half of it as I already said earlier, was a bit of a rough patch. The sixth semester was literally super hectic for us seniors and we really didn't have anything to do besides studying and focusing on our grades--as well as taking care of our scientific paper. Oh My God don't even get me started on that really. Looking back on it, I still couldn't believe that I could pass those months of hell in which I had to do this research on Korean dramas and its linguistic effects towards the people who watched it--and it was super duper tiring like I couldn't even explain how difficult it was to get the datas and such. I am literally so grateful that those months have passed, and I am also very very thankful to God for guiding me through my finals so that my scores turned out superb!!

In the other hand, I believe that I couldn't get through 2015 without the help and guidance from a certain people in my life. I'd really like to thank them for being there for me through my ups and downs and for making 2015 possible to cope. But since there are so many people that I love and feel thankful for, I'm just gonna write down below the names and the reason why I feel grateful for their presence;

1. My parents and my brother
- You three made it possible for me to get through these 5 semesters without me failing even once. Mom, thank you for always being there when I needed a shoulder to cry on, for always supporting me in whatever decision it is that I decided to take, for always listening to my same old boring whines and moans about my grades. Dad, thank you for your advices and for always motivating me so that I could prove to you that I (will) or (can) go to med school. Even though that I can't fulfill your wish of me becoming an engineer, I guarantee that I won't disappoint you with my decision. Mas, thank you for the wise words that literally melted my headstrong and biased opinion towards med school earlier this year and you also made me believe in my dreams once more. You taught me so many lessons that no money can ever buy and I respect you so much for that. I wish the three of you a long, healthy, happy and prosperous life. I love you guys!

2. Andari, Kibo, Ebo, Koreans, Anis and my other best friends that I can't even list here
- You guys never got tired of my pointless rants and never got tired of my dramatic and hyperbolic stories. You guys are my support system, I can't go a day without laughing at you guys' jokes and I terribly miss all of you. You guys are the first that I run to every time I have problems and you're always there for me :'( Thanks for telling me of what I should and should not do, of what I should take care of and not, and I just love you guys so much because you accept me for who I am without judging me. I also thank you guys for always being super straightforward whenever I made mistakes instead of talking about it behind my back.  I just wish that we'll have much much more chances to meet in 2016 before we part ways, okay!? Love you guys!!!

3. Kristo, Kristo's parents, Gabby
- Kristo, thank you for always being there for me and for being so so so patient towards me. Thank you for being so kind, gentle and protective as well. I put so much faith and effort into our relationship to be honest--you literally have no idea! hahaha. Thank you for making me believe in commitment once again, for being truthful and honest at all cost. You're super duper caring and nice that I can't even describe it into words anymore and you're the best partner that anyone can ever wish for. I'm so glad we could pull those months of torture aka LDR hahaha, which was the epitome of our sorrow and now that it's over I'm so glad that we can see each other on a daily basis again! To Kristo's parents and Gabby; thank you so much for accepting me and making me feel like I'm a part of your family, you guys are always very supportive towards our relationship, so that we have nothing to hide and we can maintain a very healthy and open relationship. I wish the three of you a wonderful year ahead! Love you <3 p="">
4. Cc collection and my classmates
- First of all : *BROFIST*. WE MADE IT THROUGH GUYS. WE'RE ALMOST THERE. WE'RE ALMOST FINISHED. HANG IN THERE. IN LESS THAN 6 MONTHS WE'RE GONNA GRADUATE AND THAT'S IT!! GUys thank you so much for fighting dragons together with me, I really couldn't make it through these 5 semesters without you by my side. Let's work harder again next year and be successful together, aight???! Luvvvvvv <3 p="">
5. GOT7 Mark and B.I from iKON
- To be honest, the two of you are literally my happy pills. I look up to you guys so much and you make me so incredibly happy you have no idea. Thank you so much for making me happy at all times, and I wish that you guys can get more vacation and rest. To Mark, I wish that you can get to spend your holiday back in LA with your family!! You had like 2 comebacks (3 with Gobaek Song tho) and the promotions were super tiring, I wish that you and all of GOT7 members will always remain healthy! GOT7 worked so hard this year and I just wish that more people can see that, because you guys are highly underrated. To B.I, you've surely been through a lot and I feel proud that you can finally get iKON to debut this year. Losing as team B, and having to compete again in M&M.. those 2 were the hardest times--especially for the other members besides B.I, Bobby and Jinhwan. Through it all, B.I you are such an amazing leader, and don't listen to what the haters have to say--they're gonna bash iKON no matter what you guys do so just let it slide because their opinions don't matter. You guys slayed the debut and all the songs are SUPER good I can't help but to listen to it everyday before I went to school. I WISH that I can marry both of you lol but yeah *lowkey wishing for it to actually happen* love you guys so mucho :(

SO yeah haha that's all I have to say and whew what a long post. Thanks again to everyone for making 2015 such a magnificent year and I wish you guys happiness and a wonderful holiday this Christmas. I wish that you can get to celebrate it with the ones you love the most, just like I do now. Eat, be happy, and be merry, Okay!? Merry Christmas everyone!! Eat yourselves silly, and drink if you want to, if you don't want to then it's cool, you can just chillax and watch Christmas movies and eat cookies or whatever it is that you wanna eat--you get the point. Once again, HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONEEEEE WHOOOO XOXOOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Bonus : a wefie from me and le boyfie, wishing you guys a blessed and wonderful Christmas.

Bby just got his pilot license and he was so happy that day that we had to take a photo--bcs surprisingly, we rarely do!

We Are the Discourse of Others

Gondry - Hyukoh
Evaporar - Little Joy
Spoiler - Epik High
Up All Night - Best Coast
Do You Love Me Like You Used To? - Best Coast
No One Like You - Best Coast
Ridin' In My Car - She & Him
Sentimental Heart - She & Him
Sparks - Coldplay
Thinkin' Bout You - Frank Ocean

F R A N T I C

Hi everyone!!!

See, I haven't posted anything since July and I know, I'm sorry....I suck. But to keep you updated as to what I've been doing this whole time, I was just (not was actually, I still am) frantically running back and forth between classes, which is (not) good at all. It's super tiring reminiscing the fact that I have classes from Monday up to Saturday. Yes, I'm taking classes on Saturday as well and not to mention that I have college entrance prep exams every Sunday. I can't believe that I'm that busy right now but this is actually my next to last semester before I graduate in May!! *clinks glass*

 To be honest, I'm getting mixed feelings about this. I'm still not sure of what I'm gonna do after getting my diploma, but I'm 100% sure that I'm not gonna take a leap year and I'm gonna go straight away to college. The thing is, I'm currently very busy keeping my grades up because I really have to get a scholarship, either way my parents obviously aren't gonna pay those med school tuition fees because it's super duper expensive (in a nonsensical way, literally)--especially if you go to private universities or colleges. I'm definitely not going to apply into any private unis because my parents don't allow me to, so yeah, I really do have to work hard day and night-night and day so that I can get to public unis and don't have to think about them super big cash I'll have to deal with If I get into private unis.

No matter how hard the struggle is to get that scholarship, I don't think that I'm gonna stop anytime now. The thought of switching majors that I may take soon after graduation  has crept my mind for quite a while now but I try my best to stay focused on what I've always wanted since day 1.  Though it is true that I work slowly day by day but in the words of the late Abraham Lincoln, (I literally saw this quote on my English teacher's desk when she evaluated my scientific paper lol) "I walk slowly, but I never walk backwards." HAHAH so yeah, I'm not stepping back or even stopping because I don't want to go into somewhere or get into something that is easy and not challenging (yep, my ego is bigger than ur future and my future combined) and get a degree in something easy because it's not worth anything and that the qualification won't get me a job and then I'll be stuck forever. BUT at the same time I don't know if I'm able to pull med school or get into something super hard because I know it'll be stressful and I don't do well with stress.

ANYWAY. In the other hand, I'm so stoked of all the good things that are gonna come in 2016! The thing is, graduation is just around the corner, and the last semester will only have 3 effective months in terms of studying and then I'll have to deal with both the national exams and college entrance exams. Those 2 suck big time, but I'm sure what comes after it will be super dope. Can't wait for the super long vacation to be honest!!!! I've been planning about what I'm gonna do on those leap months and yes you've guessed it right : I'm gonna stay home, watch Korean dramas, and not do anything. Literally.

Anyway!! Before I close this post I just wanna give a shoutout to Kristo for actually finishing your studies!! I know how hard it is for you, all those months of torture and having no choice but to endure it--but now you've came to the end of it and it's just the beginning!! Words cannot explain how hyped I am to see all the wonderful things that are gonna happen to you since you're super passionate about your job! You're amazingly blessed and surrounded by all these people who love you for you and believe in you and support you in whatever decision it is that you're taking. Welcome to the real world and don't act so grown up all of a sudden Jesus I hate it to bits. Kidding! Love you lots xx

Dear you

I've just had the most intriguing 2 hours long conversation, and I'm glad I did it with you. Sitting outside of your car, parked in front of my house, doing nothing, talking sweet nothings, exchanged jokes that maybe weren't really that funny but we laughed anyway--it was the best. Distance is an ass, I know, and as I said to you earlier, there are thousands of voices inside of my head right now telling myself that this won't work. But I really really want to prove them wrong. And after all, it's only for a few months left right? We've had this thing going on for months and we were quite okay so I guess we'll be fine. Eat well, don't get sick, take care of yourself, be safe, never forget to pray, and always keep that faith of yours. All of my life, I've always taken bad decisions that led me to ratchet shenanigans--but this time, for the very first time, I knew that I chose the right decision. I don't care what other people say and think of us, because they would never ever know. You're really really amazing and caring and most of all, you're you. Thank you so much for existing, for making me believe that such "feeling" does exist.

Sincerely,

M (from 700++ miles away)

Lingering Still

Hi everyone!!!!

Oh My God!!!!! I can't believe that it's June already, and that 2016 is only...6 months away!?!? Jesus, time flies so fast nowadays. Anyway, I have finally (and successfully aced) my 4th semester, thanks to God I could learn a lot of new things and got to know a lot of really really amazing people--worked with them as well-- and reached our success together this semester. I really look forward to work together with all of them again and hopefully in the next 2 semesters (which are going to be my final semesters --sobs) we'll perform better either academically or non-academically.

My God, as I wrote the first paragraph above, it really does hit me that I only have 2 semesters left before I actually go to med school (big amen!!!) and learn you know, the real stuff in order to become a doctor. Well..you know what, actually, after all these preparations I have done in these 4 semesters, I'm still contemplating whether I'll really go to med school or not. It's stupid to say so, I know, because my parents and all of my surroundings have always expected me to become one since I was a kid. And being the usual person that I am, I just can't disappoint them. I just can't. But I don't know whether this is something that I really wanted to do, whether this job is my passion or not. Jesus, I don't even have a passion in anything! You see, thinking about this makes me so damn confused. I feel like I'm the only one left in my year that doesn't have anywhere to go. People are so densely sure of what they're going to take, of what they're going to be, of their choices meanwhile I'm here, typing all of these words, unsure of what I'm going to be--doctor or no-doctor!?

The thought of disappointing people that I love has been haunting my mind since forever. I can say that I'm the weakest person out there when it comes to family and friends, like I'd actually surrender or sacrifice the things that I love in order to make them happy. But when it comes to your dream, would you give it up in order to live up to others' expectations? I know that most of you that are reading this right now would think NO-- and believe me I do too-- but I don't know how it's just different for this one. I know exactly that I have to do this, because you have no idea how proud my family would be. And hey-- I think I just figured out one thing. That's my dream actually, my dream is to make my family proud and happy. They've taken care of me really well and they've done a pretty good job on both raising and educating me, so I guess this is the only thing that I can do in order to make it even.

Don't take this the wrong way, me becoming a doctor isn't fully based on my family or my surroundings' demand, but I'm also willing to become one. Ever since they started to put up their hopes on me, I realized that maybe becoming a doctor isn't that bad after all. I've always loved hearing and helping others sort their problems out and I guess this is my way of channeling it. So yeah, I certainly hope that things would work out for me until next year, hopefully I can graduate and proceed to med school and everyone finally gets their happy ending.

To everyone who has the same problem as me, I'll just let you know that you're not the only one who is still unsure of which path you're going to take. What I can say to you is that just study your hardest, work your ass off, believe in your dreams, and don't ever give up on it. (Like i do. LOL just kidding!)

Until next time, and happy holidays everyone!!!!

Smooch,

M

Invisible

To you,
I've always been.
Will always be.