dreams and whatnot.

I sometimes think about how people can cope with their dreams or hopes. I personally don’t even know what I’m going to be or where I’m going for the next few years.

I thought about my dreams quite often—well like most of people do, I do try to make things work but at the end of the day I was never sure. What I was never sure of with what I’m going through with it.

To be honest, my own future is already on my fingertips. Not to be cocky but, my English is not that bad, my drawings are quite decent, I have a little bit of taste in fashion, and all I gotta do is work on them & practice a lot more. You may think that it’s really easy to just go with it and bam! Academy of Arts SF, but no, because it’s really hard when society forces you to do something you don’t want to.

I grow up with people who lend their dreams on me, as well as my brother does. The reason is because their dreams didn’t come true and if I live on their expectation they thought it could be better for both sides. Well I love my family and my friends, and to see them live happily and whatnot will be really great for me but after all, you can’t do something that doesn’t suit you, can you?

I’ve always wanted to do something that goes on with fashion, well this might sound corny and stuffs but I still think that -waking up late on a 5^th avenue apartment, rushing to starbucks to buy your editor-in-chief slash killer boss a latte and pick up the newest collection for VOGUE’s next month issue- is cool. And yes your guess is right mi hombre, I’ve always wanted to be a fashion editor.

My family wants me to be a dentist. They ‘forced’ me though, to be honest. They said things about all the money I’m going to have and how it’ll lead to a better life is the exact opposite of being a fashion editor—which they always say it’s an utter crap job. My father said I could be both, fashion editor and dentist, two things at a time, but to be realistic and whatnot, no. You gotta pick one.

 To disappoint my family and my friends is one of the most unholy things I will never do in my life, and that goes on top of the list. But, -- my favorite English word, but – I realize that I’m going to sacrifice my passion and my love and my happiness for this.

I’m that type of person who couldn’t get away with something and kept thinking about it until it goes away, and this time I know it wont go away, because this thing, I’m going to make a living out of it.

This may sound stupid and selfish but I’m not going to live my whole life in guilt or grow up as a woman filled with regret, aren’t I? No. But at the same time I’ll throw away their hopes on me. Which is a really hard thing to do and see because without them I won’t even be here typing all of these letters.

I know how much salary and all the money I’ll eventually or occasionally get if  I work as a dentist but I wont be doing something that I love. Living in a big house and full of maids and butlers and stuffs aren’t going to make me happy. Living in a flat on 5^th avenue with my cat and my lovely macbook is going to make happy. Touching people’s teeth is not amusing and picking up clothes for models is one damn thing that’ll keep me satisfied.

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I know why they’re pushing me to live their dream. My family, they don’t take risks. They don’t like challenges and they can never take failure as an answer. They play safe. They want me to choose something that most people do, and came out successful with it. Despite all the ups and downs of being a fashion editor.

My future offers me choices and of course, I have to make a decision. It’s still years and years from now but what’s wrong with preparation, right? I want to take risks and yes, perhaps 75% of the chance it’ll be labeled as the wrong decision but at least I ended up doing something that I love and that’s what I’ve chosen before. Take the wrong decision and stuck somewhere chill, make an awful lot of mistakes and learn from them. It’s cliché but it’s true.

After all, I’m pretty sure what I am going to choose next is going to be a huge impact and change in my life. Change is always based on a reason. Changing always leads you to a new sphere. Either for good or for worse. Maybe I’ll be a dentist and make my parents and friends happy. Maybe I’ll be a fashion editor and meet a guy on acne. Who knows what the future holds? You can never guess what will happen next. I hope everything stays in its place and until then, I’ll certainly live my present life to its fullest and my future is going to be as bright as arctic monkeys’ lightning set in Coachella weekend 1. (They smashed it!)