this December.

Soooo, hi!

How are you guys doing? I hope you're all doing good cause I'm currently, on top of the world. It's not difficult for you to decode the reason behind my happiness--it's because I, (and hundreds other people) have finished our 3rd semester, earlier today!! Whoo!! The results are going to be taken in like a few weeks from now, but all I care about right now is not the GPA--nope. It's December and it's actually my favorite month ..after February.

Oh, how I love December. It's getting nearer Christmas and I just can't control my excitement.
Like there's just always something good about December. Though it doesn't snow here, but the rain is just enough for me (I've written about how I love the rain in my previous post). It's actually been raining a frigging lot since the end of November, and uggggh I just hope it won't ever stop. I just really wish that the weather would continue being like this until eternity. I like to just close my eyes and imagine to be here at this exact place

So lovely and calm.

"Sweater weather" as they might say, (I may or may not just quoted a song by The Neighborhood but I've never even heard the song. Literally) the rain has made 90% of the population as mellow as ever. Every single post I see on Path this month has a correlation of not being able to move on to breaking up to giving up on love and such. And I just can't help but to be affected by it, though yes on the other side, I really am sick of it. I can't help but to join the melancholy team, and yes I plead guilty for listening to those sick cheesy songs ....and for putting it online on Path. (or 8tracks. or last.fm. oops.)

My favorite song at the moment is Just Ain't Gonna Work Out by the amazing, Mayer Hawthorne. (Speaking of which, I went to his show a few months ago and I got a chance to actually take a selfie with him! He was so nice and kind. Really hoping to get his albums on vinyls for my Christmas present this year) Anyway, I've been listening to the song every single day cause it fits the whole situation it's not sappy and sad and mellow and melancholy yet the lyrics are right-to-the-heart. They say, you can label a girl's current relationship status just by looking at her current favorite Mayer Hawthorne song--so yeah. About that.. I'm trying not to think about it at the moment. Things are bound to happen anyway and with or without a particular person in your life, you must go on. So yeah, I'm thankful because that particular person has entered my life, stayed (even only for a short period of time), made me happy and even though in the end chose to left, I'm still grateful for the time spent. :)

Enough of the telltale of a hopeless romantic, I really can't get over the fact that 2014 is coming to an end. As much as I'm disappointed of how time flies that fast, I'm also really excited to start a new chapter. New years are the best actually, I've always loved new years since I was a kid. It's like you're given a chance to turn things all around, a new beginning and just start fresh. A blank page. And hopefully a new character to fill the story on that page..? ;) Just kidding.

So yeah, that's all from me. I really need some sleep cause I haven't gotten enough since like a week ago. I wish you all have a wonderful week though the days before Christmas are usually the most hectic ones (especially students--complete your tasks before due date!!) while I spend mine.. maybe, just maybe, I'll use the rest of my remaining December to heal.. to get over it, to get over __.

novembo update

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Hi everyone!

I hope everyone’s doing fine, cause lately the weather has been a total pain in the ass (THE HEAT!!!!!111!!!!) and that gives quite a large impact to my up-and-down moods ugggh. Though it's getting closer to December, it still hasn't rained a bit yet. *sobs* The thing is, I’ve always loved rainy days since I was a kid. Though mostly everyone hates the rain cause the thunderstorms and such, I just can't help but think that it's lovely. 

 See? Even the heavy ones are at least a little bit lovely.

I always keep in mind that the rain is just the sky’s way to express its feelings towards us and we have no choice but to enjoy it. The reason behind my liking towards the rain is mainly because my mom is a huge fan of the rain itself so as a kid I was quite affected by it. Mom used to pull the Karen Smith thing –minus the chest touching part—like she told me she could already sense “the smell of the rain” from afar and whenever she drove me to school, she rolled both of our windows so that I could feel the breeze. This total of 8 minutes gave me the best pleasure—yup, the school that I attended from kindergarten up to middle school was that near to my house like it doesn’t even reach a radius of 1 kilos, hence, 8 minutes.  And now I just really miss that feeling. :( 

So anyway, pretty much nothing has happened since June.. life has been flat as always. School has been keeping me busy as a bee, tasks here and there and I'm trying my best to manage time so I can still have my time off to relax my brain. I find it really hard to relax these days since every task from each classes would most likely collide cause the deadlines are so close to each other. I can't even finish a book in almost half a semester because of this!! Isn't that crazy? But yeah, with the help of Korean dramas, variety shows and the people who are always there to support me, I always remember once again why I'm doing all of this and to never forget my goal. I'm going to start the half-end term for my 3rd semester tomorrow, and I'm feeling both happy and sad (and I'm still figuring out how that could be). I'm happy cause it's getting nearer to the 6th semester--which is still a long way to go but I survived halfway!! *clap clap*. In the other side I'm sad cause I still haven't improved my very reserved personality and I'm still hard to express what I really feel to other people, and my parents are starting to get really worried about this to the point where they give me a very long and inspirational speech about how to mingle around people and society in general. It's sad sometimes, seeing other people can be so expressive and noisy, while I'm just there being the awkward turtle in the shell. I'm working on it though, I really need to tell them that maybe it's incurable--to stop putting hopes in me that I can be sociable or such cause I really cannot. I like being on my own, keeping myself busy, and I find peace within all this. So yeah, I hope they would understand my condition and not making this a bigger problem than it already is.

Anyway, it's getting late. I need to prepare my books for tomorrow's classes and I need to finish some tasks as well! So yeah, til we meet again :-)

what happens since then?

Hello!

Finally, I miss writing in here sooo much.. As usual, school's tasks were beyond crazy but I'm lucky now that the long awaited Ramadan holiday is here!! I'm going to Bali in five days and until then I have plentyyy of times but unfortunately nothing to do. Well I guess that explains why I changed the layouts and some stuffs here hehehe. Anyway, I promised to write something in here last October and I never actually did so, sorry for that and let me make up that promise through this post.
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Within the past 9 months, I've been living my life quite differently than before. It's because I had to start things from the bottom all over again and I had to undergo quite a transition so you get the idea of it. Since graduation things have been different and somehow I have to admit that I changed within myself too.

Ever since the road splits, me and my friends, we are all immersed to our own new 'world'. We're all dealing with our new surroundings and everything, and it's just hard to make time for each other since we're all meeting new people that we're going to spend years ahead with. It makes me sad thinking about it at times, how the people you used to share jokes and nights and nights of talking about random things aren't there with you anymore. It's probably the hardest for me out of everyone else since I'm a picky, reserved and introverted person. (But I think I did well?)

There was a time when I felt like everybody was actually leaving me. The texts were short and emoji-less (ugh), my birthday was probably forgotten, and yeah a lot of other things. But then as time went, I became like that as well. I sent short and emojiless texts, I sent only stickers, I didn't bother to even open my social medias but quite surprisingly, all of this led to an even religious Marsha. Hashtag clap clap.

And so I couldn't remember exactly the day when it happened but I was on the way home from school and it was like 300 meters more until I reached home and my iPod was on shuffle, and the next thing I knew was Built This Way by Samantha Ronson came up. There are these particular lines that I can highly relate to;
Did you ever feel like you wanna be
Someone else for just one day?
Did you ever feel like you wanna see
Through another pair of eyes?

I wanted to know how it feels to be at ease, to be able to know that whether am I the only one who feels like this or not. But then again I just realized that I hadn't done this very thing since June. I surely knew that reality came knocking through my door and I have no answer but to just finally open it anyway. I also realized that things were dry and sour ever since June. But if I hadn't opened the door and kept pretending that I didn't hear the sound, when was I going to do it? So, against all odds, I decided to let my guards down and just simply opened the door. The thing is, I hadn't wholeheartedly accept the fact that I was parting ways with the people I felt most comfortable with and that's the dangerous part. People have opened their doors long time ago and I was just stuck there, covering my ears. I couldn't go forward because the past was pulling me back in. So yeah, even though now I have opened the door and what happened after was a world full of storms and such, I had to deal with it. With or without them. It may hurt at times, but it doesn't change the fact that you have what you have now. So I left my hideous feelings just as I entered the door and kept some to myself. Just so I could remember how it feels to be missing someone so much you feel like you're going to die.