what happens since then?

Hello!

Finally, I miss writing in here sooo much.. As usual, school's tasks were beyond crazy but I'm lucky now that the long awaited Ramadan holiday is here!! I'm going to Bali in five days and until then I have plentyyy of times but unfortunately nothing to do. Well I guess that explains why I changed the layouts and some stuffs here hehehe. Anyway, I promised to write something in here last October and I never actually did so, sorry for that and let me make up that promise through this post.
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Within the past 9 months, I've been living my life quite differently than before. It's because I had to start things from the bottom all over again and I had to undergo quite a transition so you get the idea of it. Since graduation things have been different and somehow I have to admit that I changed within myself too.

Ever since the road splits, me and my friends, we are all immersed to our own new 'world'. We're all dealing with our new surroundings and everything, and it's just hard to make time for each other since we're all meeting new people that we're going to spend years ahead with. It makes me sad thinking about it at times, how the people you used to share jokes and nights and nights of talking about random things aren't there with you anymore. It's probably the hardest for me out of everyone else since I'm a picky, reserved and introverted person. (But I think I did well?)

There was a time when I felt like everybody was actually leaving me. The texts were short and emoji-less (ugh), my birthday was probably forgotten, and yeah a lot of other things. But then as time went, I became like that as well. I sent short and emojiless texts, I sent only stickers, I didn't bother to even open my social medias but quite surprisingly, all of this led to an even religious Marsha. Hashtag clap clap.

And so I couldn't remember exactly the day when it happened but I was on the way home from school and it was like 300 meters more until I reached home and my iPod was on shuffle, and the next thing I knew was Built This Way by Samantha Ronson came up. There are these particular lines that I can highly relate to;
Did you ever feel like you wanna be
Someone else for just one day?
Did you ever feel like you wanna see
Through another pair of eyes?

I wanted to know how it feels to be at ease, to be able to know that whether am I the only one who feels like this or not. But then again I just realized that I hadn't done this very thing since June. I surely knew that reality came knocking through my door and I have no answer but to just finally open it anyway. I also realized that things were dry and sour ever since June. But if I hadn't opened the door and kept pretending that I didn't hear the sound, when was I going to do it? So, against all odds, I decided to let my guards down and just simply opened the door. The thing is, I hadn't wholeheartedly accept the fact that I was parting ways with the people I felt most comfortable with and that's the dangerous part. People have opened their doors long time ago and I was just stuck there, covering my ears. I couldn't go forward because the past was pulling me back in. So yeah, even though now I have opened the door and what happened after was a world full of storms and such, I had to deal with it. With or without them. It may hurt at times, but it doesn't change the fact that you have what you have now. So I left my hideous feelings just as I entered the door and kept some to myself. Just so I could remember how it feels to be missing someone so much you feel like you're going to die.