MERRY CHRISTMAS (mostly)

MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL XOXOXOXOXOOXOOO.

there you go, a very sad-looking selfie of me in my holiday jumper, trying to look happy as always.

soooo! it's christmas eve and what am i doing with my life really. I should be out there in the dining room, helping my mom cause my family's having a fairly fancy christmas open-house for my dad's colleagues (probably) and mostly, my brothers' friends tomorrow but i'm here, in my room, simultaneously blogging. i don't know when it happened but i'm 100% sure that the internet had taken my life. rip to my virgin-ish fresh brain.

You know for the record, i'm typing all of this while listening to wham's last christmas. Last christmas has always been my favorite christmas song since i first knew Ashley Tisdale from high school musical. (ironic, i know) Well, she covered the song circa 2008 i guess and then i acknowledged george michael and his band called Wham!, and since then, i've been listening to the song million times. Speaking of christmas songs, All I Want for Christmas by Mariah Carey is also my favorite christmas song. I just love the euphoria that i imagined in my head whenever this song came on. It's just soo good i can't even... Well played, mariah. :)

Anyway, as you probably know, school's off (finally...), i got my report card yesterday and well, you know what, straight A's are the new black. :D Other than that, i'll be spending the rest of the holiday....in my house. Yep, i won't go anywhere, at least that's what i've been told by my parents, just 2 weeks, at home, with my lovely speed internet connection. To be honest with you, I'm really really unsure about how i should feel and react to this. In one side, i should be happy because i can relax my mind and get a full rest, but in another side, are you for real? Like, i've been working my ass off this semester and can't a girl get her time-off? I was expecting some more dramatic family outing this december and well, there you go reality.

Maybe i should just be happy about whatever decision my parents are making for me this holiday because i'm going to a new school next year, and we're probably saving a lot of money since now so, i really have to understand them. So i guess, the things that i'll do from now on to next week will require a lot of boring tv shows, chocolate milk, topshop jumpers, shitload of sleep (i won't take it for granted, i swear!) and not give an eff about whatever it is that is happening because let me tell you this, it's been a fairly sh*tty month since october, and dramas are here and there and this holiday, i swear, i'll keep my mind off of those and JUST HAVE FUN. 

Lastly, happy christmas eve (and merry christmas) to all of you who celebrate it in the church with Jesus, merry "non-religious" christmas to those who celebrate it with san miguel, coronas, and debauchery getting hammered-drunk, hope the party you're attending is dogs-bollocks and to all who don’t celebrate it, hope you have a good monday slash tuesday. :D

If i don't post anything until new year, i just wanna say, it's been a fairly good year with you lovely readers, the pageviews have been increasing like MAD this year, (although 2012 was kinda annoying per se) but above all of that, i love you all. I wish you all the best, i hope you eat yourselves silly, i hope you get all the presents you wished to get and i hope your day is filled with happiness and loveliness and blessing. Merry christmas & Happy new year.

always yours,

xx
m.

--

BONUS : santa i've been great this year, please just let me get this for christmas, this is not too much to ask....... i guess?

rainy days, life, and well, everything. (if its possible)

ELLO PEOPLE!

oh God it's been 2 months since i left this blog and everything's still exactly like when i left it, hasn't changed a bit :"). (Wait, what.)

#

So in case you're wondering about where was i after all these times, i've been keeping myself busy with lots and lots of homeworks, tasks, essays (which i'll post later he.) and meh, possibly everything.

(asleep - the smiths)

I mentioned about "living my life" on my previous previous post so, that's the main reason why i left the internet for a while. I've been trying to live my life the way it's supposed to be, trying to get to know the people i've already met but haven't known them personally, (reminiscing the fact that i'm leaving in approximately 5,6 or 7 months), doing school assignments (everyday oh mYGOD)  and i spent most of the time you know, thinking. There's this time when I overthink things way too much until i questioned myself, "do you always think this much?"

...Is it weird? That i often think about things i'm not supposed to think? Well i'm a thinker- i must say, but this is getting stronger everyday. Like i think way too much to the point where my head hurts and the only way to reduce it is to sleep. (Like i can haha.) Or maybe to listen to the sound of the rain. (I downloaded it, oh God, it's true about what they say, you can download everything from the internet these days.)

Speaking of which, it's been raining A LOT since october. It's good though--it's the good kind. The ones that'll make you feel warm even though it's cold outside. The ones that'll make you feel like you're a part of the universe-- like you're really there-- like you really do belong "here". The ones that'll make couples crumble to each other and us singles will listen to Ed Sheeran for the rest of the day. The ones where you just want to go outside and dance and just forget about everything for a while.

(That's funny though; "Forget about everything for a while". The truth is, I'm desperate to even breath right now. I just need to get away from everything (and by everything i mean people. or school.) for at least a day, a day off to watch old tvs.)

As the days go by, it's becoming a routine now. Those damned tasks, assignments, deadlines, and everything i can't write here. You know there's not a day without a ton of sighs and whines. I'm just tired, maybe even bored. It's becoming too frequent; the thinking too much, the ed sheeran replays, and well everything--possibly.

But if it's true what they say about this, i hope i can make it. I hope i won't be "that kid again". I hope i won't be just the girl around the corner. I hope all the ed sheeran replays, all the walk home by the rain, all the crumbles and all the time i sacrificed is worth it. Amen.

October // Octubre

Bad Kids - Black Lips

Martell - The Cribs

XXXO - M.I.A

Reptilia - The Strokes

Cuddle Fuddle - Passion Pit

Counting Days - Wild Nothing

Homesick - Kings Of Convenience

Feels Like We Only Go Backwards - Tame Impala

Case of You - James Blake

After The Storm - Mumford & Sons

September // Setiembre

Arctic Monkeys - Too Much To Ask
Sondre Lerche - Maybe You're Gone
Peter, Bjorn, and John - Second Chance
Adhitia Sofyan - September
Vampire Weekend - Campus
Andy Grammer - Miss Me
Phoenix - One Time Too Many
Radiohead - House Of Cards
Bombay Bicycle Club - Lights Out Words Gone
Arctic Monkeys - Catapult

you make me wanna curve the corners of my mouth

Today was a lousy day. It was bad in any way possible. I didn't exactly know why but i already sensed it since i woke up. I was grumpy and gloomy and i just didn't feel like doing anything. To say that i felt like sh*t was an understatement. (Maybe it's because i'm on my period, or maybe it's just bad luck.) Everything seemed audibly and visibly annoying, and this brought me to the shittiest mood ever. The mood spread into my mom's and then everyone and then the next thing i know is of all the bad days i've experienced before, i could crown today as one of the worst days..ever.

It all started when i went to school this morning, i got a massive-massive headache from last night (ha) and i couldn't do anything about it. Panadol or anything couldn't cover the pain and so I tried to eat ...but my body denied everything i tried to swallow. I half-heartedly went back to class and finished 3rd period. I swear it was the worst-- i didn't get the chance to swap places for the class retreat, and then another bad thing happened, and it just went like a cycle, or a circle; bad things happened one after another and long story short, finally i got the chance to go home and clear my mind.

While walking home, i counted all the steps and within every step, i tried to memorize about all the bad things i've experienced lately. Not only today-- these past few weeks i've been getting a whole lot of problems. Some blame fate, some blame karma, but i think it's just bad luck. When i reached home, everything was still not as good as what i expected. I couldn't connect my house' wifi to my mac and my iPod and i thought to myself, the world is slowly coming to an end.

That was the final thing and suddenly an idea filled into the peak of my head and as cliche as it is, i felt like that cheesy speechbubble filled with a lamp on top of me clinked and i thought, why don't you try to make yourself happy?

I opened my ms word and i made a list of all the things that make me happy. And not so long after that, i wander into my own thoughts.

The first thing that popped into my mind was the kooks' song called Junk Of The Heart. The intro never fails to amuse me, and also She&Him's This Is Not A Test comes next on the list. The next thing that makes me happy is the fact that I like to think that i'm on a movie, like all the problems i'm facing right now is the climax, and then things will sort by itself (which is nonsense in real life) and then, cut! Roll the credits, please. Other than that i like to pretend that i'm a singer and my bath tub is the stage where i perform. People may not know this but i think i'm quite decent at singing. My showercap says so. And after that i like to dance naked-- only in my robe and spin the belt around and around. The next thing might sound a bit corny but people who are madly in love with each other make me happy. They make me realize that love isn't just a piece of time in the world, it's actually worth waiting for, you know? Hehe. And the last thing that makes me happy is being naked. Being naked is liberating, i feel so free and i don't know, it feels good.

Time flies fast when you don't have too much time on your hands. And by that the next thing i knew that it was short to midnight when i was listening to piledriver waltz by the arctic monkeys. It's a routine-- to close my eyes everytime i play this song, and so i tried to relax all the tenses i've had before. I could hear the outside noises sneaking through my earphones, to be honest, it surprisingly pleased me--it was soft and moist, yet it still remained quiet somehow. The tunes cheered me up in some way and suddenly it made me happy. Well this thing is simple, but it made me smile.

See? After all, today wasn't that bad. In fact, everything isn't that bad after all. Whenever you feel like there's nothing you can do to fight all the problems ...just look on the bright side. (No seriously.) I usually don't pay attention to all the small but good things that happen to myself. I only focus on the bad things and i forgot about being free about having all of these things i have right now, about how blessed i am, etc etc. Maybe we're all too focused on all the bad things that happen to ourselves and we forgot about how fun life could be. What about dancing naked and singing off-key and just leave your morning commute? Be happy while you can. I think you should just forget all your problems for a while, take off your clothes, put on your robe and dance to Lady Gaga. (Gonna be okay. Doo-doo-doo-doo Just dance.)

August // Agosto

Grimes - Oblivion
Beach House - Myth
Marina and The Diamonds - Bubblegum B
Lana Del Rey - Yayo
Frank Ocean - Super Rich Kids
Azealia Banks - Liquorice
The xx - Angels
Vampire Weekend - Cousins
Florence and The Machine - Shake It Out
Lana Del Rey - Born To Die

the hair issue

Sup dawg.

(I don't know why but lately i've been getting a lot of ghetto-disney princess feels inside of me. And also i don't know if people still use that 'sup dawg' intro...meh.)

SO! Holiday's over, it means that i've gone back to school for about a month and i'm still in that i'm-still-not-over-holiday phase. Which is bad. Oh, and a lot of things have happened since then. (like, a-lot a lot.) To catch up with my life, here are the majority of things that happened since last month :

• finally finished watching friends s10. and i dont know what to do with my life anymore.
• made some new friends at my new class, which is ten times better than last year
• done a rain dance and prayer circle simultaneously because of 1d's world tour next year. dont judge please.
• got over alex-alexa. <-- this took 1 year. ONE, YEAR. okay.
• got someone's heart broken
• performed a 7 minutes long and english speech in front of +800 people and almost peed my pants  lol jokes
• experienced cold feet and brain freeze for the very first time in my life

Point no 5 is yes, as bad as it sounds. I still feel really bad for it, somehow. I mean it affects me in some ways too. Not to mention that it didn't end too well... but it's not going to change anything anyway. It's been a month since that happened but we're both over it. :)

***

Enough with the sad things, did i mention that i've dyed my hair black again? If it's a yes, ugh. If it's not, i'm going to write a paragraph about it, and i choose not. So about a month ago i dip-dyed my hair red and i, am, in, love, with my hair. I even questioned myself for being more in love with my hair than idk, everything. And then school came and as much as i hate to do it, i've dyed my hair black again.

Your reaction 

(that's one sh*tty paragraph but it's still not over bro. And, This might not sound like a big deal to you but trust me, it is. It's like the end of an era. And just for the record, i can pull a red!)

Before i explain the tragedy, i might as well do this thing ...chronologically. Pause. I just typed a long and hard word and i don't even need to check if it's right or not (just in case). Good job, self! I deserve myself a medal.

So! Long story short, i took my mom to watch The Amazing Spiderman 3 times last month. (Because as you probably know, i've loved Andrew Garfield since Boy A.) And those 3 times are enough to made my mom fell in love with Gwen Stacy's hair. Not Peter Parker, Gwen Stacy. 

And then days later, Mom wanted to do this thing with her hair and so she drove me to the salon. The next thing i knew is that she encouraged me to cut this beautiful hair i've grown since January. January. I repeat, January. January people. January. I didn't pay attention much and i thought it was going to be great and i don't know that what Mom was trying to say is that i should've cut my bangs. As i was about to run and abort mission, this guy just came along and cut my bangs. With a razor. And i sat there, devastated. Now everytime i look into the mirror i see this sad sad girl, with them sad sad eyes. Prayer circle for marsha.

My reaction

My bangs are still pretty thick since i cut it and people are still joking around and everytime they see me they'll be like, "What do you have in there?" and i'll be like "a gun". As much as i hate to accentuate (hey 2 hard words in a row! Good day today.) it, i'll just cover it with a headband situation. But i still think...... i look good. ew hahaha jokes guys, jokes.

Almost forgot, I have this theory that if you cut your hair it means that you're going to get good luck for the next few days (and look like a british man). Well, f you too.

***

So anyway~ July was a fun month nonetheless, i had lots of laugh going on and hopefully August will be as good as July was. Or better.

OH and thank you to all of you new readers!!! The traffic's increasing so hello to you! As a gift to you and to know how i feel about this, please accept and enjoy this unnecessary gif of my soon-to-be husband :

i'm audi, peasants

7

1. What band has inspired you the most?
- I can say Arctic Monkeys but i'm pretty sure The Drums has inspired me in a lot of ways possible too. It's not just their music that inspires me a lot but it's also how they manage all the fame that they're getting and not letting it in into their heads. They're really down to earth and they seem to have this really great personality.

2:What/who got you into the music you listen to now?
- Movie soundtracks mostly and of course, my brother. And kak Cass also! It all started when I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind like a year ago, and as soon as it finished i rushed off into my laptop and googled the soundtrack. I did the same when i watched 500 days of Summer later that year.

3:Is music a big part of your life?
- You have no idea how big it is. Music is a really really big part of my life; i live in a family where you listen to music like 24/7. No, literally. Mum is an enormous fan of jazz    so basically i guess that affects all of my family members. As far as i could remember, mum blasts Earth, Wind & Fire or George Benson through her jbl speaker almost every night so that explains everything.

I learned to play piano when i was 4 and things just kinda went from there. Like i used to sing at the school's choir (but i don't anymore.) and a lot of other things. Music has always been there for me, sad, happy, whatever. Remember amateur's feeling - porcelain raft from last post? There you go.

4:How many concerts have you been to?
- Let's see uhm, P!ATD, Paramore, Katy Perry. I couldn't watch MGMT and the whitest boy alive and the drums because i'm still underage. :( OH! I went to watch Sondre Lerche last year on a jazz festival. Does that count?

5:What is the favorite merch item you’ve ever purchased?
- Beatles mug! I almost bought their lunchbox but i bought elmo instead. (enter plot twist?)

6:Who is your favorite musician/band?
- easy, Arctic Monkeys. And phoenix! Ugh that band is really really underrated by the way.

7:What song do you listen to when you’re sad?
- Luna by Smashing Pumpkins (acoustic version). This song has some kind of a personal memory for me, so it never fails to make me cry. Or maybe stuck in the puzzle by Alex Turner because it's a great song.

DON'T JUDGE but i listened to justin bieber's be alright yesterday and it hit me. (Only God can judge me.)

8:What song do you listen to when you’re mad?
- Any song by the arctic monkeys to be honest. It has some weird sense that could soothe me.

9:What song do you listen to when you’re pissed off?
- Family by The Cast of Cheers. I can't explain why, because the lyrics don't really match up with the situation but if you listen to the song you'll get it.

10:Have you ever moshed?
- No but i've seen one live on paramore's concert last year.

11:CD’s or iTunes?
- Vinyls. iTunes!

12:What is your favorite album? Why?
- My favorite album... i can't choose between Portamento by The Drums or Parachutes by Coldplay Or In Rainbows by Radiohead.

I kinda go with Portamento, though. It still has a bit of similarity from their first self-titled album, but portamento is just amazing. Jonny has this smiths-like tune on Money and all of the songs are ridiculously catchy, somehow. The lyrics are insanely bitter but i can relate to it because it's written by a teen's perspective.

13:Who is the funniest band/band member you know?
- Louis Tomlinson from One Direction. Funniest band? The Lonely Island......haha.

14:What band has the best lyrics?
- COLDPLAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!! And i like best coast as well. But she & him has this really cute lyrics that makes me want to cuddle in a bundle of joy and puke rainbows.

15:How has music helped you?

- Music has helped me in a lot of ways. For example, last year it helped me through the toughest moment, and just by listening to it or playing it on an instrument made me feel better--which is weird.

July // Julio

Lana Del Rey - National Anthem
Cheryl Cole - Ghetto Baby
The Temper Trap - Trembling Hands
Justice - D.A.N.C.E
Porcelain Raft - Amateur's Feeling
Camera Obscura - James
The Black Keys - Howlin' For You
Radio Spectacular!!! - You Light Me Up
Swimming Lessons - Beat, Pound My Chest
Braids - Lemonade

things to do whilst past the point of no return

i have no idea why i used that sentence as a title. but it sounded cool so.. yeah.

ANYWAY!

How are ya people? Is you okay? Is you? ...See what i did there? I added a bit of a glozell here and there but mostly, how are you feeling? I'm on my school holiday so i guess i'm good...? At least i think i am.

First things first, i want to say sorry for abandoning this blog for quite a while now. (isn't it? a month? i don't know exactly.) Therefore, i am here, ready to type all the magical words to bring you to the joyous world of the bloggity blog blog blog. Not really.

--

So.. July, huh? 6 down, 6 to go. And i mean, just like that, 2012 is half over? It seems like yesterday it was just January though. One thing i surely know now is that time does fly fast. And still i haven't done something meaningful yet until this very moment. About 3 months ago i decided to do something quirky/witty/you name it, so i can look back and see how weird memorable it was but ..words will be just words, till you bring them to life. *le sigh* (just for the record, i DID quote one direction.... don't judge.)

I remember having a conversation about this at a public bathroom, about a month ago from now. It was with my best friend Andari, maybe i've mentioned her name or maybe not but background info on her : loveliest lady ever.

Back to the bathroom stall, with the mixed feelings of absurdity, nervousness, and the cold feet I’ve just experienced caused by one damn report card, it’s her turn to feel the same way.

I’ve known her for 2 years now and I can say that she’s one of the toughest human being I’ve ever met in my life. And it was the very first time that I could see her like that. Then there I was, then-overhappy-sophomore-girl, sitting on the bathroom floor, encouraging her best friend so she could threw up. Which was useless anyway, because she hadn’t eaten anything from the previous night and also it’s not quite picturesque if you might ask, because somehow it's considered as an awkward situation.

“You can’t just force yourself to puke like that. I mean, if you wanna puke, you will.”, I said to her half-heartedly because I honestly was really starving at the time. I heard her mumble(d) something like ‘mm-hmm’ or ‘yea’, I couldn’t hear her clearly through the plastic doors, until she decided to flung it open and reveal her o-face, -- you know that face someone would gladly pull after their hangover starts kicking in? I like to call it the o-face. and just for the record, she already put that o-face before she attempted to puke whatsoever so, it's o face TOPS o face.

 “But if I puke randomly, it’ll be nasty and,” blah blah blah.  I stopped listening to her after a few pros and cons about whether she should eat and then threw up (which is HELLO. IT’S GOOD FOOD BRO.) or sit around and wait until the right time..to puke, we kinda went for the latter until le awkward silence filled the air and I finally said something good. 

You know it’s kind of surprising, reminiscing the fact that I’m not the visual/audio-first-kind-of-person so, kudos to self. “You know we only got 1 year left until we go our separate ways.” “Yeah, I know.” “Time flies quite fast.”

It felt like yesterday i was just a clueless little freshman. Freshman year was the greatest year though, i remember everything really clearly. It was so much fun compared to my sophomore year. My second year was supposed to be the 'fun' year but it ended up being a blur.

Back to my convo with Andari, i thought, "Well that was deep,". Other than that, i thought she's right. Time really does fly fast. I've said that a gazillion times but i didn't really mean it, until that very moment. I thought, What the hell, i've wasted so many days doing stupid and reckless things. You know, YOLO. I don't know YOLO seems to be my excuse to everything lately.

Also, i didn't realize how i only got 12 months left to spare. Well damn, 6 actually. 6 months left and then bam! f-tons of exams are ready to bite you right in the arse. Not literally, because that'd be disgusting.

{To sum things up, i don't know where i'm going after this whole senior sphere. Of course, my parents and my brother planted ideas of which school i am going to take after this but I also have different plans, here and there. So the point is : i don't know which path to take. Maybe 'know' is not the right word, maybe the right word is, 'ready'.}

I know i always say how i wanted to leave school immediately and i hated to do assignments etc. but at the end of the day, i know i'm not ready yet. Not yet ready to leave things behind, to face a new start. 

Andari's quick standing up movement made me stop all the 'deep-thoughts' that i was (over-)thinking. And with that, i got out from the bathroom and headed outside.

And so we sat in front of the teacher's rooms. I looked across the balcony and i found that some people were crying. But either way, some others were just happy that they finally passed their grades. The mixed feelings confused me in some ways but I ignored the sight, yet i decided to look up front. As far as i can remember, it was just clouds and clouds, and clouds. I stared down--blankly at the empty classrooms and I finally got to the stage when i knew that things are going to end; like i was sort of standing close to the edge of a building and things are ready to stop there but you miraculously hope that it'd turn 180 degrees-- which is impossible.

I felt sour. I wasn't sad, but i wasn't happy either. I felt sour. I could feel it. I wanted to do something about it but it all seemed like an act of waste or helplessness may be the word they could nail to the situation.

I remember listening to amateur's feeling by porcelain raft all the way home, and still, i kept thinking about it. All the fun that i've had years before, and how i only got 1 year-- freaking 1 year left! I put my ipod on shuffle and that new song by maroon 5 i just purchased yesterday kicked in. The lyrics caught my attention, "you say it's too late to make it, but is it too late to try?". It clicked.

I put it on repeat and what felt like the seventieth time that day, i smiled sheepishly. Adam levine's voice that rang through my earphone felt like it came from nowhere, and echoed blatantly through the solid room.

I finally knew that it's not too late to turn things over, and everything isn't moving too fast, i'm just too stupid to realize that i didn't cherish them/it in the first place. Maybe time doesn't fly too fast, maybe it's just us and things that came too early.

June // Junio

Friday Night at the Drive-In Bingo - Jens Lekman
R U Mine - Arctic Monkeys
Electricity - Arctic Monkeys
Hoppipolla - Sigur Ros
Bookends - Simon & Garfunkel
Yeah Buddy - Pulled Apart By Horses
Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa - Vampire Weekend (still love this, lots)
This Time - David's Lyre
Limit to Your Love - James Blake
Heart Skipped A Beat - The XX

a postcard to 15:10:18

dear that-peculiar-guy,

first of all, i don't even know why i'm writing this letter to you. i might as well just talk to you straight up because this ain't a nicholas sparks movie whatsoever. But i'm trying to be classy here and write you a letter. Not technically but, still.

since tomorrow is tuesday, (but for you it's monday because we live > 7278 miles from each other, so yeah) and tuesday is my favorite day of the week, which for your additional info i name it as sexy tuesday, and i have nothing to do, (which is a lie because i have a shizload of things i gotta do before saturday) i decided to write you a letter. Even though you might not read it because i haven't built the courage to give this to you yet, but i guess if you're reading this right now and haven't thrown this to the trash can.. well, um hi.

how are you anyway? i hope you're good because if you're not ..that would be really really awkward. Well i'm good, in case you're wondering whether i'm on drugs or not, because normally i wouldn't send letters like these to people; 1) Because i don't usually take interest on writing cheesy things and expect people to read AND like them, and 2) I have other things to do like, lay around and do nothing with my life or just simply circulating oxygen to co2.

#
(background song: sondre lerche - stupid memory)

Today, something really strange just happened to me. You know that moment when you feel like a song brings you to a certain memory and all you want is to go back and change everything?

I felt that way and it just stung me right in the brain. It's like when you were half way to sleep and you had that crazy feeling of falling and then sudden-realization hits you and you were all dumb-founded. Needless to say, i was silent for a minute or two, trying to bring back my mind into normal and stare into my iPod.

Smith Westerns - Weekend

It brought me to the day when i first acknowledged your existence. I remember when i first knew this song, i actually thought that you wouldn't know it. But then i figured out that you even made a massive shout out to this band and from there, i began to take interest in you.

To be honest, i was scared to meet someone like you at first. i was scared to even know you at all. I was scared that my idea of perfection is actually real, i was scared that someone who i always previously dreamt of, who only lived on my imagination, is actually presented in you.

I began to learn about you a bit more. I learnt that we both like arctic monkeys so much, we hate sports so much, we like the horrors so much and many other things.

Another memory passes me by and it brought me to the day when you put phoenix's record on.

Phoenix - Consolation Prizes

I lay my head on the table and start humming to the beat of it. I remember how you've been loop the looping around my brain and messed it up with that stupid raven hair that looks like a hipster hair-cut. Ugh that stupid overrated headphone you clung on your neck. Ugh that stupid topman t-shirts.

Cut off your hair yeah that's it! If you look like that i swear i'm gonna love you more.
I thought about this for a long time, never had the chance to try and make it better, my heart is waiting for a new you.


-

I like the way you do cheeky stuffs and abnormal stuffs that sometimes it made me think: 'how can i fell for this?', and the way you're so modest that even people who put up nasty comments on your social networking sites, you still compliment them-- which is the exact opposite of me. Your sense of humour is a+. You always send me awful on the chuckles, and even the crappiest jokes it could turn me on and i'd still laugh at it. You've got good taste in music. There are no words to describe how good your taste in music is like.

You taught me a lot of things, besides cooking and shiz like that. How you dare to be really different from the others and do things like a badass dude, (because you're a dude. wait am i ruining the moment again? yes? sorry.) how you don't care about what people say and not afraid of risks.

Well after all those words i've typed and made my fingers really crampy,

If it puts an end to all this nonsense blabbering, i just want to check in, cause fyi sir : you wander in my mind 24/7. Alongside alex turner. and pretty flowers. Anyway, i want to say that you're a wonderful human being, and,

 don't let anyone stand in your way.

Yours truly,


m

brain roll(s) and deep thoughts

why hello der! what's the cracka lackin erryone yooooo
{read in half gangster - half british accent. how so? figure out yourself.}

so first of all, i have no idea why i wrote 'brain roll(s)' as the title post and why i did that intro. (because i can). it just wind into my mind and if this explanation helps, brain-roll isn't like sushi roll. *quick tip : don't imagine a brain-roll, you'll puke bricks. literally.

...i just wrote a whole paragraph about brain-roll, which i don't even know about its own existence, but meh.

and this is getting off-topic and nowhere so, yeah.

#
(play Set The Tigers Free by Villagers to add more realistic sense, it helped me write this post.)

Sorry for abandoning this blog with quality writing (haha!). i've been through a lot of things and problems and struggles with my own self. For some reasons, I've distant myself from some things that i sadly can't write here (because it's too personal, sorry.), but hopefully i'll get better/recover soon.

I've been thinking a lot, deep thoughts nor easy ones. considering i'll leave in approximately a year from now, i have a lot to leave, gain and/or take.

to be honest, i haven't been using time quite wisely these 5 months. I didn't think about stuffs and like MGMT said on their song 'Kids', no time to think of consequences. I didn't think- i just did. That left me a little bit of remorse when i think back about them.

-
To lose some or leave things behind.
I have to leave a few things or maybe a few certain people behind. Which is quite a sad thing, because i personally know that 25% of myself are going to miss them. But like what society has taught and told me, they said that we'll eventually change. People change, we change, you change. Being the no-jimmy-protested type of person myself, i think i must agree... to disagree.

Instead of being told that i've changed, i'm going to act normal and say, 'I don't change, i just learn to live myself out of yours.'.

Because no matter what, we can't keep thinking that those stuffs are coming back, and happy or not, we'll have to face another day, with or without them.

To get some or gain slash take.
I still need to learn a lot-- we all are. There are lots and lots of things for me to gain or take from all the people that surround me everyday. Not to be exactly like them, but learn how to be like them.

Aside from gaining others' great deeds, i also promised myself to gain a whole lot of experiences before i leave.
Experiences. Sad, happy, winning, losing. I've been told 'No'-s a lot. Got rejected, replaced, ignored and despite all the sadness after it, the whole scenery gave me a rather exciting experience. Cheesy and cliche but it's true though. Now I can see why a lot of people can relate to the infamous 'Experience is the best teacher' quote.
-

Despite all the stuffs above, I might as well pull an LMFAO and get all the fun and keep being the person i was yesterday, but i think it's not the best decision to take. Growing up as a better person ain't as easy as it seems. Because in fact, everything is not what it seems.

But after all, by doing all the stuffs i've written above, i think i'm ready to leave.

+

My mouth hasn’t shut up about you since you kissed it. 

The idea that you may kiss it again stuck in my brain, which hasn’t stopped thinking about you since well before any kiss. 

And now the prospect of those kisses seems to wind me like when you slip on the stairs and one of the steps hits you in the middle of the back. 

The notion of them continuing for what is traditionally terrifying forever excites me to an unfamiliar degree.

May // Mayo

The Vaccines - Family Friend
Arctic Monkeys - Piledriver Waltz
The Joy Formidable - Cradle
Crystal Castles - Intimate
Seapony - Dreaming
T-Rex - Teenage Dream
Bon Iver - Holocene
Rosi Golan - C'est L'amour
The Cardigans - For What Its Worth
Bag Raiders - Shooting Stars

Bonus : Arctic Monkeys - 505. Bringing it back because yolo.

my proudest possesion II {a very long post.}

Hi everyone!

so anyway, i'm really excited to write this post because im gonna show off some of my new stuffs from Holland and Switzerland!!!!! And no, no. I'm not the one who got the chance to spend my holiday there but my brother was lucky and clever, so yeh. This is his 3rd time though.
At first he told me that he was going to go to amsterdam and switzerland again i was all like

but then he said 'i'll buy you things, don't worry.' and then i was like

Long story short, he decided to buy me these. (AAAAA IM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW)

So remember the post when i told you that i bought my very first vinyl? Well now i have 16 of them. I KNOW RIGHT. *and the tears stream down my face*

But first things first, here's my baby-turntable that my brother gave me :

and here are the vinyls.

oh wait, these are the places where my brother bought them :

here they are :

{okay so im just going to post a few of them. why? because if i post all of my vinyls, this post will be extremely boring, broseph.}

and theeeen, my brother gave me 5 packs of chocolate mints, which are my favorites. and also, my aunt marja from  Holland gave me a huge box of chocolates and biscuits. diet what?

and the last one, my favorite, he bought me this from swiss :D

p.s : i love you so muccccch, broooo. you are the most wonderful + kindest human being in this world, literally. i can't thank you enough for the vinyls + turntables. :")

dreams and whatnot.

I sometimes think about how people can cope with their dreams or hopes. I personally don’t even know what I’m going to be or where I’m going for the next few years.

I thought about my dreams quite often—well like most of people do, I do try to make things work but at the end of the day I was never sure. What I was never sure of with what I’m going through with it.

To be honest, my own future is already on my fingertips. Not to be cocky but, my English is not that bad, my drawings are quite decent, I have a little bit of taste in fashion, and all I gotta do is work on them & practice a lot more. You may think that it’s really easy to just go with it and bam! Academy of Arts SF, but no, because it’s really hard when society forces you to do something you don’t want to.

I grow up with people who lend their dreams on me, as well as my brother does. The reason is because their dreams didn’t come true and if I live on their expectation they thought it could be better for both sides. Well I love my family and my friends, and to see them live happily and whatnot will be really great for me but after all, you can’t do something that doesn’t suit you, can you?

I’ve always wanted to do something that goes on with fashion, well this might sound corny and stuffs but I still think that -waking up late on a 5^th avenue apartment, rushing to starbucks to buy your editor-in-chief slash killer boss a latte and pick up the newest collection for VOGUE’s next month issue- is cool. And yes your guess is right mi hombre, I’ve always wanted to be a fashion editor.

My family wants me to be a dentist. They ‘forced’ me though, to be honest. They said things about all the money I’m going to have and how it’ll lead to a better life is the exact opposite of being a fashion editor—which they always say it’s an utter crap job. My father said I could be both, fashion editor and dentist, two things at a time, but to be realistic and whatnot, no. You gotta pick one.

 To disappoint my family and my friends is one of the most unholy things I will never do in my life, and that goes on top of the list. But, -- my favorite English word, but – I realize that I’m going to sacrifice my passion and my love and my happiness for this.

I’m that type of person who couldn’t get away with something and kept thinking about it until it goes away, and this time I know it wont go away, because this thing, I’m going to make a living out of it.

This may sound stupid and selfish but I’m not going to live my whole life in guilt or grow up as a woman filled with regret, aren’t I? No. But at the same time I’ll throw away their hopes on me. Which is a really hard thing to do and see because without them I won’t even be here typing all of these letters.

I know how much salary and all the money I’ll eventually or occasionally get if  I work as a dentist but I wont be doing something that I love. Living in a big house and full of maids and butlers and stuffs aren’t going to make me happy. Living in a flat on 5^th avenue with my cat and my lovely macbook is going to make happy. Touching people’s teeth is not amusing and picking up clothes for models is one damn thing that’ll keep me satisfied.

#

I know why they’re pushing me to live their dream. My family, they don’t take risks. They don’t like challenges and they can never take failure as an answer. They play safe. They want me to choose something that most people do, and came out successful with it. Despite all the ups and downs of being a fashion editor.

My future offers me choices and of course, I have to make a decision. It’s still years and years from now but what’s wrong with preparation, right? I want to take risks and yes, perhaps 75% of the chance it’ll be labeled as the wrong decision but at least I ended up doing something that I love and that’s what I’ve chosen before. Take the wrong decision and stuck somewhere chill, make an awful lot of mistakes and learn from them. It’s cliché but it’s true.

After all, I’m pretty sure what I am going to choose next is going to be a huge impact and change in my life. Change is always based on a reason. Changing always leads you to a new sphere. Either for good or for worse. Maybe I’ll be a dentist and make my parents and friends happy. Maybe I’ll be a fashion editor and meet a guy on acne. Who knows what the future holds? You can never guess what will happen next. I hope everything stays in its place and until then, I’ll certainly live my present life to its fullest and my future is going to be as bright as arctic monkeys’ lightning set in Coachella weekend 1. (They smashed it!)

:)

The Filtered Network - watch more funny videos      

i found this extremely funny so i decided to share it with you guys. How's april been treating you so far? fun? not? might as well enjoy it cause yolllloooo ahhaha.

April // Abril

Arctic Monkeys - only ones who know

Dum Dum Girls - bedroom eyes
Radiohead - creep
Nouvelle Vague - i melt with you
Villagers - set the tigers free
The XX - intro
Sad Souls - dreamcatcher
M83 - too late
Ani DiFranco - as is
Dark Dark Dark - robert

4

hi everyone!
so, yeah. it's april. and i'm currently in the mood for some writing so here are a few things you might be wondering about me and well ...now revealed. (:

--

Have you ever self harmed? Why?


No. i've never done things to hurt myself on purpose. I think doing self-harm is not going to solve any problems. Okay here, you've been hurt, and then you decided to cut yourself; that means you add more pain into you, inside and outside; mentally and physically. I don't think that harming your self will genuinely flip the problem into 180 degrees and turn things back into normal. If you have a problem, or let's say you are bullied by your seniors or the whole student body hate(s) you or something : you stand up for yourself, and prove them wrong. OR you could just simply....

It's not like by doing self-harm your problems are solved by themselves. So yeah. that's my rant slash thoughts slash opinion on self-harm. :)

Relationship with your father?


My father and i are really good with each other. Although my relationship with my dad is not as close as my relationship with mum, but everything's great. He's a great dad and i learned a lot of things from him. He is one of my role models, which is a great thing because all of my role models are cool, and that means my dad is cool (?). For the past few months I rarely speak to him though, haha. I rarely see him because he goes to work really early and comes back late. My dad is not a typical dad, he sometimes went awkward on conversations and stays quiet instead; cause he's a bit more reserved to himself. But well he's the greatest guy in the world.

Relationship with your mother?


My mum is my best friend. Like seriously, we share each other everything; food, gossip, secrets, room (haha), bags, shoes and other stuffs. She's a really really fun mum, all the lads fancy her. She's talkative, always cracks up jokes, funny and loud. And the best thing about her is that she always sees the best in people. Gotta loveeee heeer~

Which celebrity do you fancy most? Why?


Which as in who? Well, i fancy Andrew Garfield, BIG TIME rush. Because (not to mention that he's fit), he just seemed to be a very nice person. He's really down to earth, and his acting is just brilliant. He's a very talented actor and ... ah he's just lovely.

this goes to andrew garfield

Have you ever been bullied?

Bullied? As far as i can remember....no. i've never been bullied at school.

Who makes you the happiest?

1) My friends

- they are CRAZY. i can't never laugh at their jokes or their silly stupid random things they do on a daily basis, and they are always there when i needed them. 

2) My family

- of course! I love my family so much. Being with them just makes my heart warm and happy. woop.

3) My bfl

- she is just, BLAAARGH hahaha. no word to describe her, she's random, lunatic, loud, and all packed in one, been best friends for almost 2 years now. ba haaaaa.

What calms you down when you're upset?

Music. just, music, and sometimes crying because you gotta let it all out. I sing at the top of my lungs and dance like crazy until i'm back to being the most fantastic.

Who do you miss the most?

My brother. :( He's currently living in a different town, for almost 3 years now (college). I just miss living with him. Having someone to talk to, watch movies together, playing xbox in my room, food fight and exchange clothes (yep he's my size - ikr.). And he'll go to Switzerland for 10 days tomorrow, which was supposed to be his schedule to go home and eat and sleep and walk around the house randomly, but most of all, i'm so proud of him, thank you for being such a great brother (:

Have you ever fallen in love? Or had your heart broken?

No i don't think so. I think i'm in love with Alex Turner but everyone keeps telling me that it's just a celebrity crush. Meh. screw them. I love alex turner.
Oh my God. i'm forever alone.

Share a secret?

I fancy logan henderson from big time rush. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

life soundtrack

The instructions:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool... and a lot of the songs fit with the setting

----------------

Opening Credits: Black Hole - She & Him
- well, my life's gonna be fun hahaha.

Waking Up: Get Burned - Sleeper Agent
- yes happy tune happy tune woohooooooo, super fit!


First Day At School: Islands - David's Lyre
- well.......

Falling In Love: Quel qu'un ma dit - Carla Bruni
- yes!

Fight Song: Time to wander - gypsy & the cat
- what.................

Breaking Up: As is - Ani DiFranco
- gives me the idea that breaking up ain't always about sad songs hahah

Prom night/Life's ok: Bi Polar Bear - Silver Swans
- yea mannnnn

Mental Breakdown: Sugar Town - Zooey Deschanel
- ok this is weird.

Driving: World News - Local Natives
- yes! super fit

Flashback: Young Love - Mystery Jets ft. Laura Marling
- hahahaha this is fun

Getting back together: Love Lost - The Temper Trap
- i have no idea. super fit

Wedding: Baby i'm yours - arctic monkeys
- i swear to God this is on shuffle, i swear

Birth of Child: Mango tree - angus & julia stones
- beautiful :')

Final Battle: If he likes it, let him do it - the drums
- the gloomy tune fits perfectly

Funeral Song: If she wants me - belle & sebastian
- okay this is weird.


End credits : Yesterday once more - the carpenters
- this is funny bcs the title hahaa

the nosy issue

yo yo yo yo yo!

how's everyone doing? mine's pretty much the same, well a little bit better actually because .............i'm on holiday, woop wooooop!

~

anyway, today i'm going to post about nosy people. yeah, that's right. nosy. or kepo. or whatever you name it.

so today i went on skype, checked some new messages on bbm, and posted a status. "to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die..". i took it from the smiths' song; there is a light that never goes out. i went outside, eat, eat some more, and blah blah blah morning routine.

and then i log on into tumblr and as per usual, greeted by a bunch of 1d photos. hahaha. ha. (is that even necessary to write on here? no? well i'm the owner of this blog so if you don't think it's necessary, get the- jk bbysz lol let me love you) SORRY there are a lot of things going on my mind tonight, so please excuse my behavior. MOVE ALONG!

and then i watched some videos on youtube. while i was waiting for the video to buffer, i checked my blackberry messenger and saw -not- a friend of mine, (actually i didn't want to give this person my pin and accept him/her, but at the time i thought i was being really really rude so yeah) sent me this message :

"Hey gurl sisssy, who is dat on yer statuss? xxxxxxxxx"

and i was just like,

At first i thought it was nice that he/she was being all caring-and-lovey-dovey but then, who dafu- are you? (i know him/her but ....you get it). I answered 'eh noone' and watched the video bcs the buffer(ing) was already finished. I checked my bbm again and found this message, sent by the same person. that nosy muthaf- dipsh- fffffstick :

"Just tellmeh i wont like tell anyone omg xxx"

what. is. the. problem. with. you. Let me tell you that this is not the first time she/he forcing slash mind-raping (what) me to tell him/her about my love life. The other day i posted 'andrew <3' {hehe} on my status and he/she just went la-di-da-ing and sent me this : 'andrew who?????? :/' i answered him/her with a laugh and he/she forced me to tell him/her. At the end of the day, he/she ended up being all omg-im-so-mad bcs i trolled him/her. Ha. eat that, f-stick. Oh and the other day when me and my friend were in a group crying session on skype and he/she didn't even ask our permission to join and just got there and being all nosy. And etc. (i'm dead-serious, this is not the first time. if today was the first time, i ain't gon make a big deal out of it, bbz.) (what did i just type?) (seriously?)

back to the current time,  i told her the truth that the status was not meant for anyone. and she replied with an angry emoticon, and FULL CAPSLOCK. "UGH YOU'RE SO FISHY!!!!!!!!!!!! >:/ >:/" what. did. i. just. read.

okay anybody, just, hold my poodle. seriously... Jesus, what's the matter with you? You don't even know me that well, you have nothing against me, and you know nothing about my life. Okay, if that's your way of making friends.......you're weird. I'm sorry, but it's true. People... they don't like you if you're being such a creep and just dive into their problems. It's none of your business and it's friggin annoying okay? Being such a nosy person IS NOT A GOOD THING.

Imagine, everytime you're on the glossy-gossip-session with your friends and a random nosy person just pops out of nowhere, asking the latest juicy thing. everyday. Terrible, i know. Irritating? YES! It's like eating ben & jerry's in front of baskin robbins... it's just plain wrong.

And now that nosy person is probably reading this and thinking how mean i am, which is 100% true and guess wut bytcccchz, i admit it. and that's probably why boys aren't into me. and that's a completely different issue. i should probably stick with the nosy-people situation. but meh, haters gon hate, potatoes gon potate.

so yeah now i'm gonna go make some sandwiches, that's right sandwiches boo-hoo and then...........it's time for some movie partay time, YEA MAN!

* bonus *

check out the drums' acoustic performance! i love love love love them, big time!



and newsflash i got 'there is a light that never goes out' inked to my stomach ha ha