you, me, haze,.. everything in between..
"The thing about parties and these places is that.. I don't know," he shrugged for a second and took a sip before continuing. He drank a draft beer that night, not exactly his favorite kind of beer but he drank anyway. It's not a foreign sight for me; him pausing in between his words, getting his thoughts across without looking straight into your eyes until he finally gets to the end of it. "...it's just--what do you seek, really? Say that, you come here with your friends. You drink--a lot. You get drunk. You do stupid s--- which you'll totally regret the next morning but you'll end up doing it again the next week anyway for the mere sake of... being cool?" I laughed a bit at his comment, and shook my head in disbelief. It was weird seeing how not the slightest bit of anger slipped through that very sentence although in my opinion, he was being really, really negative. That's the thing I've always liked about him; the very unique fact that he just smiled about almost anything--even if the thing was hurting him. "I'm not much of a social butterfly as well, you see. I myself enjoy observing people--sitting here, with you, getting drinks and talking about whatever. But anyway, I object. I see the fun in these parties--the fact that I'm here with a lot of other people, just the mere fact of me being here, I feel like I become more aware of my existence," He immediately just scoffed at my ridiculous response. "What? I'm dead serious--I know that it's weird, but I sort of feel like I'm more alive. Through good music, through dancing, through mingling with people you've never met before, through good drinks. For a couple of hours I feel like I don't have any weight on my shoulders, you know. I feel almost weightless.. Although yes, I do agree that after quite a while of repeating these, sometimes I don't know what to seek anymore. But still, you gotta admit that parties are--at least--quite fun, right?" He pursed his lips, tilted his head to the side, and looked straight into my eyes as if he was saying "No, it's not.." I just laughed and nodded to the beats of ADHD by Kendrick Lamar--which was one of my favorite songs.
Three songs and one glass after, he started talking again. "So.... yeah. Do you think we should, I don't know, get out of here? ...Watch Love, Actually or listen to Stay Awhile instead?" I just shook my head and laughed, oh you. Classic.
--
Varsity - So Sad, So Sad
The Radio Dept. - I Don't Like It Like This
The Radio Dept. - Pulling Our Weight
Arctic Monkeys - Piledriver Waltz
San Cisco - About You
San Cisco - Hey Did I Do You Wrong?
Craft Spells - Nausea
Craft Spells - Komorebi
The Cure - Just Like Heaven
The Cardigans - For What It's Worth
Binocular - Deep
The Black Skirts - Hollywood
Thursday, May 11, 2017
Wednesday, May 3, 2017
Begin Again
Hello people! :)
It's been a year (plus 1 month to be exact) since the last time I wrote something in here and I (up til now) still cannot fathom into words of how MUCH things have changed since then.
For a starter, I am now a first year pre-clinical student. Wow.. it's still so surreal for me to say that though it's been almost 9 months since I got in. The thing is, hard work really does pay off. Long story short, I ended up fighting against 1000+ people for only a couple of seats, and thank God I got into Universitas Indonesia; my goal since day one. What makes everything better is the fact that I'm able to finally step in closer to reach my dream ever since I was 4 years old. Though it wasn't an easy journey getting into UI, I'm very very very grateful for all the lessons I've learned. I was so afraid that I couldn't get in because the acceptance rate was so crazily tight but in the end, miracles do happen afterall. :)
To say that 2016 was a whirlwind is an understatement. Everybody agrees that it's not the nicest year out of the bunch but I'm still really grateful for how things actually turned out. At first, things weren't really nice for me, my family and my friends but then, as Bangtan said in the song "2!3!" (HAHAH I WENT TO THEIR CONCERT IT WAS SO LIFECHANGING I'M GONNA WRITE ABOUT IT LATER) I guess we were all just hoping for more good days back then; because there was no other thing left to do, sadly.
You see the thing is, I've always worked hard--I've put an immense lot of effort into my academic records while I was still in school and I like to believe that everyone else does as well. The people around me.. like Kristo for example, my boyfriend, works really hard in his own field of work; and my brother works very very diligently on his records and on his office works as well. I observe people really well--on campus everyday I see people that work hard. Not only students but workers, man, do they hustle. But what for? Why did I spend 3 years of high school--presumably half of it only to study and not to have fun like other students? Why did I spend countless hours fighting blood sweat and tears (yes this is a BTS reference, again) for UI? Why did I have to do all that? Okay maybe I did all that for the sake of reaching my dream; getting into UI ; achieving that dreamy yellow jacket ; maybe. But why was I that willing though? Peeking on my brother, he could've just done his office work and that's it--there's no more thing left to do besides that because his job's already enough to keep him happy. But he instead created Dentum Dansa Bawah Tanah, he's willing to work extra hours, extra energy, extra everything, for the mere sake of that record. And I guess after thinking for quite a while .. these questions gave me quite the idea that there's just always something that people are fighting for. There's always something that they're rooting for inside. I chose to keep on studying hard day and night, night and day back then because I knew exactly what I was fighting for. It was crystal clear that I was fighting for that figure I've always pictured in the back of my mind ever since I was a little kid, Doctor Not Loser Marsha, wearing a white coat, helping others on dealing their problems that they cannot solve by themselves. This version of Adult Marsha well to be precise, Doctor Not-Loser-Marsha was, and is, something that keeps me going. Everyday, every minute and every second. It's something that I'm fighting for. And same goes with my brother; his rock-star image has always been something that he's always been fighting for since high school. I'm glad that he's still keeping that spirit alive inside of him, and I'm so proud that he's still fighting for his passion, his dream .. maybe someday he'll get featured on Rolling Stones. Maybe in the near future DDBT will become so famous, more famous than ever that he'd probably be so overwhelmed by it but never underwhelmed by it because in the first place, it was something that he was fighting for. You see, this is what keeps us going everyday. At least, this is what keeps me sane in between these tons and tons of assignments, paper works--basically everything that I have to do everyday.
To be honest I feel immensely bad for people who don't know what they're fighting for--who don't know why they're doing their job in the first place, who's pretending to fit into their job, their major when actually their heart literally do not belong there. I cannot imagine a day in which I'm not a pre-clinical student currently studying so that I can proceed to my clinical year--I really cannot. I just can't imagine how I can pull that off--I mean like, those people mustn't have a driving force to drag them through the days, to remind themselves the purpose of doing their job in the first place. Something for them to hold on to, to grasp when they start to lose hope. For those people, I guess that this is the time when faith kicks in .. and remember that you shall always remain true to yourself. Also, never forget and bury what you're fighting for and replace it with something that's temporarily soothing. Don't fake it and think that you're gonna start to believe in your own made-up state of mind just because you successfully made everyone believe so. Be brave to try again--I did, countless times! I took a huge L last year lol but I remember what I was fighting for. I did it for the sake of my 9 year old self, 13 year old self, 15 year old self so naively believing in present Marsha, because it just might be the right thing for me to do. And it was. And I thank God I believed in myself, I stayed true to myself, I didn't lie to myself and most importantly, I didn't put on a show to other people--acting as if maybe it really was the right track for me, being Loser Marsha who might not end up on UI. Nope--Marsha hustled. Hard. And she did it.
Though now things LITERALLY are just as I expected for them to be; infinite amounts of coffee to keep me awake at night, overlapping deadlines, tears of homesick and missing my parents, student logbooks, and having to do everything on my own, I like to think that I enjoy all of this. I enjoy every bit of struggle and pain that I have to get through in order to reach my degree later.. (still 6 years to go....) and without the help of people around me, I don't think that I can still be as calm as I am now.
I solemnly swear to God that I'm just grateful for my parents for always supporting me though both of them are literally not doctors--but their support gives me life. They might not teach me things like other doctor parents do, but I'm much more grateful that they're just.. them. My dad and mom, thanks for believing in me always.. for supporting literally everything that I do. I'm thankful that I can still text, facetime and call you everyday just to whine and tell you literally everything about dentistry that's quite hard for me sometimes, thanks for being the coolest best friends that a daughter can have and I'm soooo grateful that we're close ma, pa. Kristo, he's the one that keeps me sane in between this crazy ride to be honest. Thanks for the kind words, the support, all the prayers, the food you send here almost everyday (though I can literally buy it by myself but really thanks sayang..), the fact that you always understand how busy I am and never even once have you complained, thanks for the very smooth relationship that we've been having, I'm amazed of how rarely we fight (believe it or not: going on strong to our 3rd year, we've only fought twice. Literally.) compared to other couples, and thanks for being a stress-reliever in the middle of this rollercoaster. I've always said that your presence is enough, you being there is already enough for me and let's hope for more good days like Bangtan said in 2!3! (HEHE)
So I guess that's it, I'm gonna head back and finish my student log bookkk and pull another all-nighter (if I can) (I'll probably sleep anyway after this lol) (or watch bangtan) HAHA
All the love always,
M
You see the thing is, I've always worked hard--I've put an immense lot of effort into my academic records while I was still in school and I like to believe that everyone else does as well. The people around me.. like Kristo for example, my boyfriend, works really hard in his own field of work; and my brother works very very diligently on his records and on his office works as well. I observe people really well--on campus everyday I see people that work hard. Not only students but workers, man, do they hustle. But what for? Why did I spend 3 years of high school--presumably half of it only to study and not to have fun like other students? Why did I spend countless hours fighting blood sweat and tears (yes this is a BTS reference, again) for UI? Why did I have to do all that? Okay maybe I did all that for the sake of reaching my dream; getting into UI ; achieving that dreamy yellow jacket ; maybe. But why was I that willing though? Peeking on my brother, he could've just done his office work and that's it--there's no more thing left to do besides that because his job's already enough to keep him happy. But he instead created Dentum Dansa Bawah Tanah, he's willing to work extra hours, extra energy, extra everything, for the mere sake of that record. And I guess after thinking for quite a while .. these questions gave me quite the idea that there's just always something that people are fighting for. There's always something that they're rooting for inside. I chose to keep on studying hard day and night, night and day back then because I knew exactly what I was fighting for. It was crystal clear that I was fighting for that figure I've always pictured in the back of my mind ever since I was a little kid, Doctor Not Loser Marsha, wearing a white coat, helping others on dealing their problems that they cannot solve by themselves. This version of Adult Marsha well to be precise, Doctor Not-Loser-Marsha was, and is, something that keeps me going. Everyday, every minute and every second. It's something that I'm fighting for. And same goes with my brother; his rock-star image has always been something that he's always been fighting for since high school. I'm glad that he's still keeping that spirit alive inside of him, and I'm so proud that he's still fighting for his passion, his dream .. maybe someday he'll get featured on Rolling Stones. Maybe in the near future DDBT will become so famous, more famous than ever that he'd probably be so overwhelmed by it but never underwhelmed by it because in the first place, it was something that he was fighting for. You see, this is what keeps us going everyday. At least, this is what keeps me sane in between these tons and tons of assignments, paper works--basically everything that I have to do everyday.
To be honest I feel immensely bad for people who don't know what they're fighting for--who don't know why they're doing their job in the first place, who's pretending to fit into their job, their major when actually their heart literally do not belong there. I cannot imagine a day in which I'm not a pre-clinical student currently studying so that I can proceed to my clinical year--I really cannot. I just can't imagine how I can pull that off--I mean like, those people mustn't have a driving force to drag them through the days, to remind themselves the purpose of doing their job in the first place. Something for them to hold on to, to grasp when they start to lose hope. For those people, I guess that this is the time when faith kicks in .. and remember that you shall always remain true to yourself. Also, never forget and bury what you're fighting for and replace it with something that's temporarily soothing. Don't fake it and think that you're gonna start to believe in your own made-up state of mind just because you successfully made everyone believe so. Be brave to try again--I did, countless times! I took a huge L last year lol but I remember what I was fighting for. I did it for the sake of my 9 year old self, 13 year old self, 15 year old self so naively believing in present Marsha, because it just might be the right thing for me to do. And it was. And I thank God I believed in myself, I stayed true to myself, I didn't lie to myself and most importantly, I didn't put on a show to other people--acting as if maybe it really was the right track for me, being Loser Marsha who might not end up on UI. Nope--Marsha hustled. Hard. And she did it.
Though now things LITERALLY are just as I expected for them to be; infinite amounts of coffee to keep me awake at night, overlapping deadlines, tears of homesick and missing my parents, student logbooks, and having to do everything on my own, I like to think that I enjoy all of this. I enjoy every bit of struggle and pain that I have to get through in order to reach my degree later.. (still 6 years to go....) and without the help of people around me, I don't think that I can still be as calm as I am now.
I solemnly swear to God that I'm just grateful for my parents for always supporting me though both of them are literally not doctors--but their support gives me life. They might not teach me things like other doctor parents do, but I'm much more grateful that they're just.. them. My dad and mom, thanks for believing in me always.. for supporting literally everything that I do. I'm thankful that I can still text, facetime and call you everyday just to whine and tell you literally everything about dentistry that's quite hard for me sometimes, thanks for being the coolest best friends that a daughter can have and I'm soooo grateful that we're close ma, pa. Kristo, he's the one that keeps me sane in between this crazy ride to be honest. Thanks for the kind words, the support, all the prayers, the food you send here almost everyday (though I can literally buy it by myself but really thanks sayang..), the fact that you always understand how busy I am and never even once have you complained, thanks for the very smooth relationship that we've been having, I'm amazed of how rarely we fight (believe it or not: going on strong to our 3rd year, we've only fought twice. Literally.) compared to other couples, and thanks for being a stress-reliever in the middle of this rollercoaster. I've always said that your presence is enough, you being there is already enough for me and let's hope for more good days like Bangtan said in 2!3! (HEHE)
So I guess that's it, I'm gonna head back and finish my student log bookkk and pull another all-nighter (if I can) (I'll probably sleep anyway after this lol) (or watch bangtan) HAHA
All the love always,
M
Sunday, March 20, 2016
+365
Today marks exactly 1 year after our unexpected encounter last March.
A simple congratulation after my performance opened our conversation. A million thoughts crossed my mind after looking up on the screen and saw your name. It's been what--2 years, after the last time that I'd seen you, and things weren't so nice for us back then, right? As I clicked to see how you look now on your display picture, I realized that you looked different. Your hair's different--you used to have that slick style hair that made girls swoooon--and your signature 'stache ain't there anymore, plus your skin had been more tan compared to the last time that I'd seen you. "How have you been? Have you been well? Where are you now?" and other formalities started to run through my head, waiting to be said to you. But "are you seeing someone right now?" was somehow far from one of those questions. Because well, our second encounter was somehow closer to a friendly banter, rather than a flirty one.
It was funny to talk to you again, because it made me remember those strange feelings during freshman year. You were always that senior guy that stood out at the hallway, looking super good, and I was just.. meh. I still remember that day--first day of school to be exact, when you helped me open the door to my class, I was completely stunned and swooned. (There, I said it!) Remembering those stupid salad days could almost relive those feelings again--but then reality came knocking through my door and I thought to myself that we wouldn't ever happen. Not in a world where "good" things happen to me. I wasn't that attracted to you as well, because we were too different. And it strangely felt too good to be true. Us, we were always too good to be true anyway right?
As time passed and I started talking to you on a daily basis again, I got the chance to know you even more than I did before. Things started to feel more 'realistic' when our personalities started to unravel here and there. Afterall, you weren't that ridiculously sexy-pushed-back-hair senior that I've known before; you've totally changed and matured; from the way that you thought, spoke--it all changed. And it made me realize how much I had been missing. I solemnly swear that I regret ignoring you during freshman year; because who knew you were really this amazing? I regret all those times I've spent without you, because I believe things would've been so much better with you in it.
Anyway, life is funny and so full of surprises, ain't it? The other day, I spent my first break adoring my sexy-pushed-back-hair senior, but then the next time around, I'm dating him. Who knew life could be this way? Needless to say, I'm glad I'd found my way back to you. Better yet, I'm glad that we'd found our way back to each other.
And.. I hope you feel the same way too. :)
A simple congratulation after my performance opened our conversation. A million thoughts crossed my mind after looking up on the screen and saw your name. It's been what--2 years, after the last time that I'd seen you, and things weren't so nice for us back then, right? As I clicked to see how you look now on your display picture, I realized that you looked different. Your hair's different--you used to have that slick style hair that made girls swoooon--and your signature 'stache ain't there anymore, plus your skin had been more tan compared to the last time that I'd seen you. "How have you been? Have you been well? Where are you now?" and other formalities started to run through my head, waiting to be said to you. But "are you seeing someone right now?" was somehow far from one of those questions. Because well, our second encounter was somehow closer to a friendly banter, rather than a flirty one.
It was funny to talk to you again, because it made me remember those strange feelings during freshman year. You were always that senior guy that stood out at the hallway, looking super good, and I was just.. meh. I still remember that day--first day of school to be exact, when you helped me open the door to my class, I was completely stunned and swooned. (There, I said it!) Remembering those stupid salad days could almost relive those feelings again--but then reality came knocking through my door and I thought to myself that we wouldn't ever happen. Not in a world where "good" things happen to me. I wasn't that attracted to you as well, because we were too different. And it strangely felt too good to be true. Us, we were always too good to be true anyway right?
As time passed and I started talking to you on a daily basis again, I got the chance to know you even more than I did before. Things started to feel more 'realistic' when our personalities started to unravel here and there. Afterall, you weren't that ridiculously sexy-pushed-back-hair senior that I've known before; you've totally changed and matured; from the way that you thought, spoke--it all changed. And it made me realize how much I had been missing. I solemnly swear that I regret ignoring you during freshman year; because who knew you were really this amazing? I regret all those times I've spent without you, because I believe things would've been so much better with you in it.
Anyway, life is funny and so full of surprises, ain't it? The other day, I spent my first break adoring my sexy-pushed-back-hair senior, but then the next time around, I'm dating him. Who knew life could be this way? Needless to say, I'm glad I'd found my way back to you. Better yet, I'm glad that we'd found our way back to each other.
And.. I hope you feel the same way too. :)
Saturday, March 5, 2016
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Stuck On The Puzzle
I tried to swim to the side
But my feet got caught in the middle
And I thought I'd seen the light..
But I was just stuck on the puzzle.
But my feet got caught in the middle
And I thought I'd seen the light..
But I was just stuck on the puzzle.
Friday, January 15, 2016
Eventually
Big Sis - Sales
Harbour Lights - A Silent Film
I Don't Like It Like This - The Radio Dept.
One Time Too Many - Phoenix
Pride and Prejudice - Zico
3005 - Childish Gambino
Not Myself - John Mayer
The Less I Know The Better - Tame Impala
Swim Good - Frank Ocean
Saturday, December 19, 2015
Farewell, Notes and Wishes
Hello again!
To make it short : Finals week has finally ended! I am over-the-top happy, because these scores are the last ones that I've yet to input in order to fulfill the requirements of my scholarship. I have worked super duper hard for the past 2 years, and I'm just gonna leave everything to God. I will wholeheartedly accept and be grateful towards any result I may get next year. So yeah, fingers crossed!!!!
Anyway, IT'S HOLIDAYS SEASON!!! Hahaha, I'm always super duper hyper when it comes to December--cause it's the last month of the year and this time I just can't wait for December to be over already cause I'm really looking forward to 2016 tbh. 2016 will be my first year of med school (big amen), and I believe it's also an important year for everyone else as well. My brother's probably taking his masters degree, my boyfriend's first year of work, and a lot of people I know are getting married next year. AND also!!!!! Winner's 2016 comeback which I have been waiting since early this year but for some reason YG kept pushing their comeback and iKON got all the spotlight instead:( (don't get me wrong!! I'm so happy for iKON as well because they finally got to debut which is amazing!!)
So yeah, since it's December, I'm now ready to bid my farewell to 2015. As a starter, 2015 was a whirlwind. I can't say that the whole year was kind of a rough patch but I can say that the last half of it (June to November) was a bit tough. The early months of this year (January to June) was the most fun I've ever had in a while to be honest, I got to know a couple of people who I didn't know would become very important to me now, spent a lot of fun with them, got involved in some events that were too fun to describe and I hope that I could maintain this very good relationship with them and hopefully next year we can graduate altogether and get our happily ever after! The last half of it as I already said earlier, was a bit of a rough patch. The sixth semester was literally super hectic for us seniors and we really didn't have anything to do besides studying and focusing on our grades--as well as taking care of our scientific paper. Oh My God don't even get me started on that really. Looking back on it, I still couldn't believe that I could pass those months of hell in which I had to do this research on Korean dramas and its linguistic effects towards the people who watched it--and it was super duper tiring like I couldn't even explain how difficult it was to get the datas and such. I am literally so grateful that those months have passed, and I am also very very thankful to God for guiding me through my finals so that my scores turned out superb!!
In the other hand, I believe that I couldn't get through 2015 without the help and guidance from a certain people in my life. I'd really like to thank them for being there for me through my ups and downs and for making 2015 possible to cope. But since there are so many people that I love and feel thankful for, I'm just gonna write down below the names and the reason why I feel grateful for their presence;
1. My parents and my brother
- You three made it possible for me to get through these 5 semesters without me failing even once. Mom, thank you for always being there when I needed a shoulder to cry on, for always supporting me in whatever decision it is that I decided to take, for always listening to my same old boring whines and moans about my grades. Dad, thank you for your advices and for always motivating me so that I could prove to you that I (will) or (can) go to med school. Even though that I can't fulfill your wish of me becoming an engineer, I guarantee that I won't disappoint you with my decision. Mas, thank you for the wise words that literally melted my headstrong and biased opinion towards med school earlier this year and you also made me believe in my dreams once more. You taught me so many lessons that no money can ever buy and I respect you so much for that. I wish the three of you a long, healthy, happy and prosperous life. I love you guys!
2. Andari, Kibo, Ebo, Koreans, Anis and my other best friends that I can't even list here
- You guys never got tired of my pointless rants and never got tired of my dramatic and hyperbolic stories. You guys are my support system, I can't go a day without laughing at you guys' jokes and I terribly miss all of you. You guys are the first that I run to every time I have problems and you're always there for me :'( Thanks for telling me of what I should and should not do, of what I should take care of and not, and I just love you guys so much because you accept me for who I am without judging me. I also thank you guys for always being super straightforward whenever I made mistakes instead of talking about it behind my back. I just wish that we'll have much much more chances to meet in 2016 before we part ways, okay!? Love you guys!!!
3. Kristo, Kristo's parents, Gabby
- Kristo, thank you for always being there for me and for being so so so patient towards me. Thank you for being so kind, gentle and protective as well. I put so much faith and effort into our relationship to be honest--you literally have no idea! hahaha. Thank you for making me believe in commitment once again, for being truthful and honest at all cost. You're super duper caring and nice that I can't even describe it into words anymore and you're the best partner that anyone can ever wish for. I'm so glad we could pull those months of torture aka LDR hahaha, which was the epitome of our sorrow and now that it's over I'm so glad that we can see each other on a daily basis again! To Kristo's parents and Gabby; thank you so much for accepting me and making me feel like I'm a part of your family, you guys are always very supportive towards our relationship, so that we have nothing to hide and we can maintain a very healthy and open relationship. I wish the three of you a wonderful year ahead! Love you <3 p="">
4. Cc collection and my classmates
- First of all : *BROFIST*. WE MADE IT THROUGH GUYS. WE'RE ALMOST THERE. WE'RE ALMOST FINISHED. HANG IN THERE. IN LESS THAN 6 MONTHS WE'RE GONNA GRADUATE AND THAT'S IT!! GUys thank you so much for fighting dragons together with me, I really couldn't make it through these 5 semesters without you by my side. Let's work harder again next year and be successful together, aight???! Luvvvvvv <3 p="">
5. GOT7 Mark and B.I from iKON
- To be honest, the two of you are literally my happy pills. I look up to you guys so much and you make me so incredibly happy you have no idea. Thank you so much for making me happy at all times, and I wish that you guys can get more vacation and rest. To Mark, I wish that you can get to spend your holiday back in LA with your family!! You had like 2 comebacks (3 with Gobaek Song tho) and the promotions were super tiring, I wish that you and all of GOT7 members will always remain healthy! GOT7 worked so hard this year and I just wish that more people can see that, because you guys are highly underrated. To B.I, you've surely been through a lot and I feel proud that you can finally get iKON to debut this year. Losing as team B, and having to compete again in M&M.. those 2 were the hardest times--especially for the other members besides B.I, Bobby and Jinhwan. Through it all, B.I you are such an amazing leader, and don't listen to what the haters have to say--they're gonna bash iKON no matter what you guys do so just let it slide because their opinions don't matter. You guys slayed the debut and all the songs are SUPER good I can't help but to listen to it everyday before I went to school. I WISH that I can marry both of you lol but yeah *lowkey wishing for it to actually happen* love you guys so mucho :(
SO yeah haha that's all I have to say and whew what a long post. Thanks again to everyone for making 2015 such a magnificent year and I wish you guys happiness and a wonderful holiday this Christmas. I wish that you can get to celebrate it with the ones you love the most, just like I do now. Eat, be happy, and be merry, Okay!? Merry Christmas everyone!! Eat yourselves silly, and drink if you want to, if you don't want to then it's cool, you can just chillax and watch Christmas movies and eat cookies or whatever it is that you wanna eat--you get the point. Once again, HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONEEEEE WHOOOO XOXOOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Bonus : a wefie from me and le boyfie, wishing you guys a blessed and wonderful Christmas.
To make it short : Finals week has finally ended! I am over-the-top happy, because these scores are the last ones that I've yet to input in order to fulfill the requirements of my scholarship. I have worked super duper hard for the past 2 years, and I'm just gonna leave everything to God. I will wholeheartedly accept and be grateful towards any result I may get next year. So yeah, fingers crossed!!!!
Anyway, IT'S HOLIDAYS SEASON!!! Hahaha, I'm always super duper hyper when it comes to December--cause it's the last month of the year and this time I just can't wait for December to be over already cause I'm really looking forward to 2016 tbh. 2016 will be my first year of med school (big amen), and I believe it's also an important year for everyone else as well. My brother's probably taking his masters degree, my boyfriend's first year of work, and a lot of people I know are getting married next year. AND also!!!!! Winner's 2016 comeback which I have been waiting since early this year but for some reason YG kept pushing their comeback and iKON got all the spotlight instead:( (don't get me wrong!! I'm so happy for iKON as well because they finally got to debut which is amazing!!)
So yeah, since it's December, I'm now ready to bid my farewell to 2015. As a starter, 2015 was a whirlwind. I can't say that the whole year was kind of a rough patch but I can say that the last half of it (June to November) was a bit tough. The early months of this year (January to June) was the most fun I've ever had in a while to be honest, I got to know a couple of people who I didn't know would become very important to me now, spent a lot of fun with them, got involved in some events that were too fun to describe and I hope that I could maintain this very good relationship with them and hopefully next year we can graduate altogether and get our happily ever after! The last half of it as I already said earlier, was a bit of a rough patch. The sixth semester was literally super hectic for us seniors and we really didn't have anything to do besides studying and focusing on our grades--as well as taking care of our scientific paper. Oh My God don't even get me started on that really. Looking back on it, I still couldn't believe that I could pass those months of hell in which I had to do this research on Korean dramas and its linguistic effects towards the people who watched it--and it was super duper tiring like I couldn't even explain how difficult it was to get the datas and such. I am literally so grateful that those months have passed, and I am also very very thankful to God for guiding me through my finals so that my scores turned out superb!!
In the other hand, I believe that I couldn't get through 2015 without the help and guidance from a certain people in my life. I'd really like to thank them for being there for me through my ups and downs and for making 2015 possible to cope. But since there are so many people that I love and feel thankful for, I'm just gonna write down below the names and the reason why I feel grateful for their presence;
1. My parents and my brother
- You three made it possible for me to get through these 5 semesters without me failing even once. Mom, thank you for always being there when I needed a shoulder to cry on, for always supporting me in whatever decision it is that I decided to take, for always listening to my same old boring whines and moans about my grades. Dad, thank you for your advices and for always motivating me so that I could prove to you that I (will) or (can) go to med school. Even though that I can't fulfill your wish of me becoming an engineer, I guarantee that I won't disappoint you with my decision. Mas, thank you for the wise words that literally melted my headstrong and biased opinion towards med school earlier this year and you also made me believe in my dreams once more. You taught me so many lessons that no money can ever buy and I respect you so much for that. I wish the three of you a long, healthy, happy and prosperous life. I love you guys!
2. Andari, Kibo, Ebo, Koreans, Anis and my other best friends that I can't even list here
- You guys never got tired of my pointless rants and never got tired of my dramatic and hyperbolic stories. You guys are my support system, I can't go a day without laughing at you guys' jokes and I terribly miss all of you. You guys are the first that I run to every time I have problems and you're always there for me :'( Thanks for telling me of what I should and should not do, of what I should take care of and not, and I just love you guys so much because you accept me for who I am without judging me. I also thank you guys for always being super straightforward whenever I made mistakes instead of talking about it behind my back. I just wish that we'll have much much more chances to meet in 2016 before we part ways, okay!? Love you guys!!!
3. Kristo, Kristo's parents, Gabby
- Kristo, thank you for always being there for me and for being so so so patient towards me. Thank you for being so kind, gentle and protective as well. I put so much faith and effort into our relationship to be honest--you literally have no idea! hahaha. Thank you for making me believe in commitment once again, for being truthful and honest at all cost. You're super duper caring and nice that I can't even describe it into words anymore and you're the best partner that anyone can ever wish for. I'm so glad we could pull those months of torture aka LDR hahaha, which was the epitome of our sorrow and now that it's over I'm so glad that we can see each other on a daily basis again! To Kristo's parents and Gabby; thank you so much for accepting me and making me feel like I'm a part of your family, you guys are always very supportive towards our relationship, so that we have nothing to hide and we can maintain a very healthy and open relationship. I wish the three of you a wonderful year ahead! Love you <3 p="">
4. Cc collection and my classmates
- First of all : *BROFIST*. WE MADE IT THROUGH GUYS. WE'RE ALMOST THERE. WE'RE ALMOST FINISHED. HANG IN THERE. IN LESS THAN 6 MONTHS WE'RE GONNA GRADUATE AND THAT'S IT!! GUys thank you so much for fighting dragons together with me, I really couldn't make it through these 5 semesters without you by my side. Let's work harder again next year and be successful together, aight???! Luvvvvvv <3 p="">
5. GOT7 Mark and B.I from iKON
- To be honest, the two of you are literally my happy pills. I look up to you guys so much and you make me so incredibly happy you have no idea. Thank you so much for making me happy at all times, and I wish that you guys can get more vacation and rest. To Mark, I wish that you can get to spend your holiday back in LA with your family!! You had like 2 comebacks (3 with Gobaek Song tho) and the promotions were super tiring, I wish that you and all of GOT7 members will always remain healthy! GOT7 worked so hard this year and I just wish that more people can see that, because you guys are highly underrated. To B.I, you've surely been through a lot and I feel proud that you can finally get iKON to debut this year. Losing as team B, and having to compete again in M&M.. those 2 were the hardest times--especially for the other members besides B.I, Bobby and Jinhwan. Through it all, B.I you are such an amazing leader, and don't listen to what the haters have to say--they're gonna bash iKON no matter what you guys do so just let it slide because their opinions don't matter. You guys slayed the debut and all the songs are SUPER good I can't help but to listen to it everyday before I went to school. I WISH that I can marry both of you lol but yeah *lowkey wishing for it to actually happen* love you guys so mucho :(
SO yeah haha that's all I have to say and whew what a long post. Thanks again to everyone for making 2015 such a magnificent year and I wish you guys happiness and a wonderful holiday this Christmas. I wish that you can get to celebrate it with the ones you love the most, just like I do now. Eat, be happy, and be merry, Okay!? Merry Christmas everyone!! Eat yourselves silly, and drink if you want to, if you don't want to then it's cool, you can just chillax and watch Christmas movies and eat cookies or whatever it is that you wanna eat--you get the point. Once again, HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONEEEEE WHOOOO XOXOOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Bonus : a wefie from me and le boyfie, wishing you guys a blessed and wonderful Christmas.
Bby just got his pilot license and he was so happy that day that we had to take a photo--bcs surprisingly, we rarely do!
Monday, November 16, 2015
We Are the Discourse of Others
Gondry - Hyukoh
Evaporar - Little Joy
Spoiler - Epik High
Up All Night - Best Coast
Do You Love Me Like You Used To? - Best Coast
No One Like You - Best Coast
Ridin' In My Car - She & Him
Sentimental Heart - She & Him
Sparks - Coldplay
Thinkin' Bout You - Frank Ocean
Saturday, November 14, 2015
F R A N T I C
Hi everyone!!!
See, I haven't posted anything since July and I know, I'm sorry....I suck. But to keep you updated as to what I've been doing this whole time, I was just (not was actually, I still am) frantically running back and forth between classes, which is (not) good at all. It's super tiring reminiscing the fact that I have classes from Monday up to Saturday. Yes, I'm taking classes on Saturday as well and not to mention that I have college entrance prep exams every Sunday. I can't believe that I'm that busy right now but this is actually my next to last semester before I graduate in May!! *clinks glass*
To be honest, I'm getting mixed feelings about this. I'm still not sure of what I'm gonna do after getting my diploma, but I'm 100% sure that I'm not gonna take a leap year and I'm gonna go straight away to college. The thing is, I'm currently very busy keeping my grades up because I really have to get a scholarship, either way my parents obviously aren't gonna pay those med school tuition fees because it's super duper expensive (in a nonsensical way, literally)--especially if you go to private universities or colleges. I'm definitely not going to apply into any private unis because my parents don't allow me to, so yeah, I really do have to work hard day and night-night and day so that I can get to public unis and don't have to think about them super big cash I'll have to deal with If I get into private unis.
No matter how hard the struggle is to get that scholarship, I don't think that I'm gonna stop anytime now. The thought of switching majors that I may take soon after graduation has crept my mind for quite a while now but I try my best to stay focused on what I've always wanted since day 1. Though it is true that I work slowly day by day but in the words of the late Abraham Lincoln, (I literally saw this quote on my English teacher's desk when she evaluated my scientific paper lol) "I walk slowly, but I never walk backwards." HAHAH so yeah, I'm not stepping back or even stopping because I don't want to go into somewhere or get into something that is easy and not challenging (yep, my ego is bigger than ur future and my future combined) and get a degree in something easy because it's not worth anything and that the qualification won't get me a job and then I'll be stuck forever. BUT at the same time I don't know if I'm able to pull med school or get into something super hard because I know it'll be stressful and I don't do well with stress.
ANYWAY. In the other hand, I'm so stoked of all the good things that are gonna come in 2016! The thing is, graduation is just around the corner, and the last semester will only have 3 effective months in terms of studying and then I'll have to deal with both the national exams and college entrance exams. Those 2 suck big time, but I'm sure what comes after it will be super dope. Can't wait for the super long vacation to be honest!!!! I've been planning about what I'm gonna do on those leap months and yes you've guessed it right : I'm gonna stay home, watch Korean dramas, and not do anything. Literally.
Anyway!! Before I close this post I just wanna give a shoutout to Kristo for actually finishing your studies!! I know how hard it is for you, all those months of torture and having no choice but to endure it--but now you've came to the end of it and it's just the beginning!! Words cannot explain how hyped I am to see all the wonderful things that are gonna happen to you since you're super passionate about your job! You're amazingly blessed and surrounded by all these people who love you for you and believe in you and support you in whatever decision it is that you're taking. Welcome to the real world and don't act so grown up all of a sudden Jesus I hate it to bits. Kidding! Love you lots xx
See, I haven't posted anything since July and I know, I'm sorry....I suck. But to keep you updated as to what I've been doing this whole time, I was just (not was actually, I still am) frantically running back and forth between classes, which is (not) good at all. It's super tiring reminiscing the fact that I have classes from Monday up to Saturday. Yes, I'm taking classes on Saturday as well and not to mention that I have college entrance prep exams every Sunday. I can't believe that I'm that busy right now but this is actually my next to last semester before I graduate in May!! *clinks glass*
To be honest, I'm getting mixed feelings about this. I'm still not sure of what I'm gonna do after getting my diploma, but I'm 100% sure that I'm not gonna take a leap year and I'm gonna go straight away to college. The thing is, I'm currently very busy keeping my grades up because I really have to get a scholarship, either way my parents obviously aren't gonna pay those med school tuition fees because it's super duper expensive (in a nonsensical way, literally)--especially if you go to private universities or colleges. I'm definitely not going to apply into any private unis because my parents don't allow me to, so yeah, I really do have to work hard day and night-night and day so that I can get to public unis and don't have to think about them super big cash I'll have to deal with If I get into private unis.
No matter how hard the struggle is to get that scholarship, I don't think that I'm gonna stop anytime now. The thought of switching majors that I may take soon after graduation has crept my mind for quite a while now but I try my best to stay focused on what I've always wanted since day 1. Though it is true that I work slowly day by day but in the words of the late Abraham Lincoln, (I literally saw this quote on my English teacher's desk when she evaluated my scientific paper lol) "I walk slowly, but I never walk backwards." HAHAH so yeah, I'm not stepping back or even stopping because I don't want to go into somewhere or get into something that is easy and not challenging (yep, my ego is bigger than ur future and my future combined) and get a degree in something easy because it's not worth anything and that the qualification won't get me a job and then I'll be stuck forever. BUT at the same time I don't know if I'm able to pull med school or get into something super hard because I know it'll be stressful and I don't do well with stress.
ANYWAY. In the other hand, I'm so stoked of all the good things that are gonna come in 2016! The thing is, graduation is just around the corner, and the last semester will only have 3 effective months in terms of studying and then I'll have to deal with both the national exams and college entrance exams. Those 2 suck big time, but I'm sure what comes after it will be super dope. Can't wait for the super long vacation to be honest!!!! I've been planning about what I'm gonna do on those leap months and yes you've guessed it right : I'm gonna stay home, watch Korean dramas, and not do anything. Literally.
Anyway!! Before I close this post I just wanna give a shoutout to Kristo for actually finishing your studies!! I know how hard it is for you, all those months of torture and having no choice but to endure it--but now you've came to the end of it and it's just the beginning!! Words cannot explain how hyped I am to see all the wonderful things that are gonna happen to you since you're super passionate about your job! You're amazingly blessed and surrounded by all these people who love you for you and believe in you and support you in whatever decision it is that you're taking. Welcome to the real world and don't act so grown up all of a sudden Jesus I hate it to bits. Kidding! Love you lots xx
Friday, July 17, 2015
Dear you
I've just had the most intriguing 2 hours long conversation, and I'm glad I did it with you. Sitting outside of your car, parked in front of my house, doing nothing, talking sweet nothings, exchanged jokes that maybe weren't really that funny but we laughed anyway--it was the best. Distance is an ass, I know, and as I said to you earlier, there are thousands of voices inside of my head right now telling myself that this won't work. But I really really want to prove them wrong. And after all, it's only for a few months left right? We've had this thing going on for months and we were quite okay so I guess we'll be fine. Eat well, don't get sick, take care of yourself, be safe, never forget to pray, and always keep that faith of yours. All of my life, I've always taken bad decisions that led me to ratchet shenanigans--but this time, for the very first time, I knew that I chose the right decision. I don't care what other people say and think of us, because they would never ever know. You're really really amazing and caring and most of all, you're you. Thank you so much for existing, for making me believe that such "feeling" does exist.
Sincerely,
M (from 700++ miles away)
Sincerely,
M (from 700++ miles away)
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Lingering Still
Hi everyone!!!!
Oh My God!!!!! I can't believe that it's June already, and that 2016 is only...6 months away!?!? Jesus, time flies so fast nowadays. Anyway, I have finally (and successfully aced) my 4th semester, thanks to God I could learn a lot of new things and got to know a lot of really really amazing people--worked with them as well-- and reached our success together this semester. I really look forward to work together with all of them again and hopefully in the next 2 semesters (which are going to be my final semesters --sobs) we'll perform better either academically or non-academically.
My God, as I wrote the first paragraph above, it really does hit me that I only have 2 semesters left before I actually go to med school (big amen!!!) and learn you know, the real stuff in order to become a doctor. Well..you know what, actually, after all these preparations I have done in these 4 semesters, I'm still contemplating whether I'll really go to med school or not. It's stupid to say so, I know, because my parents and all of my surroundings have always expected me to become one since I was a kid. And being the usual person that I am, I just can't disappoint them. I just can't. But I don't know whether this is something that I really wanted to do, whether this job is my passion or not. Jesus, I don't even have a passion in anything! You see, thinking about this makes me so damn confused. I feel like I'm the only one left in my year that doesn't have anywhere to go. People are so densely sure of what they're going to take, of what they're going to be, of their choices meanwhile I'm here, typing all of these words, unsure of what I'm going to be--doctor or no-doctor!?
The thought of disappointing people that I love has been haunting my mind since forever. I can say that I'm the weakest person out there when it comes to family and friends, like I'd actually surrender or sacrifice the things that I love in order to make them happy. But when it comes to your dream, would you give it up in order to live up to others' expectations? I know that most of you that are reading this right now would think NO-- and believe me I do too-- but I don't know how it's just different for this one. I know exactly that I have to do this, because you have no idea how proud my family would be. And hey-- I think I just figured out one thing. That's my dream actually, my dream is to make my family proud and happy. They've taken care of me really well and they've done a pretty good job on both raising and educating me, so I guess this is the only thing that I can do in order to make it even.
Don't take this the wrong way, me becoming a doctor isn't fully based on my family or my surroundings' demand, but I'm also willing to become one. Ever since they started to put up their hopes on me, I realized that maybe becoming a doctor isn't that bad after all. I've always loved hearing and helping others sort their problems out and I guess this is my way of channeling it. So yeah, I certainly hope that things would work out for me until next year, hopefully I can graduate and proceed to med school and everyone finally gets their happy ending.
To everyone who has the same problem as me, I'll just let you know that you're not the only one who is still unsure of which path you're going to take. What I can say to you is that just study your hardest, work your ass off, believe in your dreams, and don't ever give up on it. (Like i do. LOL just kidding!)
Until next time, and happy holidays everyone!!!!
Smooch,
M
Oh My God!!!!! I can't believe that it's June already, and that 2016 is only...6 months away!?!? Jesus, time flies so fast nowadays. Anyway, I have finally (and successfully aced) my 4th semester, thanks to God I could learn a lot of new things and got to know a lot of really really amazing people--worked with them as well-- and reached our success together this semester. I really look forward to work together with all of them again and hopefully in the next 2 semesters (which are going to be my final semesters --sobs) we'll perform better either academically or non-academically.
My God, as I wrote the first paragraph above, it really does hit me that I only have 2 semesters left before I actually go to med school (big amen!!!) and learn you know, the real stuff in order to become a doctor. Well..you know what, actually, after all these preparations I have done in these 4 semesters, I'm still contemplating whether I'll really go to med school or not. It's stupid to say so, I know, because my parents and all of my surroundings have always expected me to become one since I was a kid. And being the usual person that I am, I just can't disappoint them. I just can't. But I don't know whether this is something that I really wanted to do, whether this job is my passion or not. Jesus, I don't even have a passion in anything! You see, thinking about this makes me so damn confused. I feel like I'm the only one left in my year that doesn't have anywhere to go. People are so densely sure of what they're going to take, of what they're going to be, of their choices meanwhile I'm here, typing all of these words, unsure of what I'm going to be--doctor or no-doctor!?
The thought of disappointing people that I love has been haunting my mind since forever. I can say that I'm the weakest person out there when it comes to family and friends, like I'd actually surrender or sacrifice the things that I love in order to make them happy. But when it comes to your dream, would you give it up in order to live up to others' expectations? I know that most of you that are reading this right now would think NO-- and believe me I do too-- but I don't know how it's just different for this one. I know exactly that I have to do this, because you have no idea how proud my family would be. And hey-- I think I just figured out one thing. That's my dream actually, my dream is to make my family proud and happy. They've taken care of me really well and they've done a pretty good job on both raising and educating me, so I guess this is the only thing that I can do in order to make it even.
Don't take this the wrong way, me becoming a doctor isn't fully based on my family or my surroundings' demand, but I'm also willing to become one. Ever since they started to put up their hopes on me, I realized that maybe becoming a doctor isn't that bad after all. I've always loved hearing and helping others sort their problems out and I guess this is my way of channeling it. So yeah, I certainly hope that things would work out for me until next year, hopefully I can graduate and proceed to med school and everyone finally gets their happy ending.
To everyone who has the same problem as me, I'll just let you know that you're not the only one who is still unsure of which path you're going to take. What I can say to you is that just study your hardest, work your ass off, believe in your dreams, and don't ever give up on it. (Like i do. LOL just kidding!)
Until next time, and happy holidays everyone!!!!
Smooch,
M
Saturday, May 2, 2015
Monday, December 8, 2014
this December.
Soooo, hi!
How are you guys doing? I hope you're all doing good cause I'm currently, on top of the world. It's not difficult for you to decode the reason behind my happiness--it's because I, (and hundreds other people) have finished our 3rd semester, earlier today!! Whoo!! The results are going to be taken in like a few weeks from now, but all I care about right now is not the GPA--nope. It's December and it's actually my favorite month ..after February.
Oh, how I love December. It's getting nearer Christmas and I just can't control my excitement.
Like there's just always something good about December. Though it doesn't snow here, but the rain is just enough for me (I've written about how I love the rain in my previous post). It's actually been raining a frigging lot since the end of November, and uggggh I just hope it won't ever stop. I just really wish that the weather would continue being like this until eternity. I like to just close my eyes and imagine to be here at this exact place
"Sweater weather" as they might say, (I may or may not just quoted a song by The Neighborhood but I've never even heard the song. Literally) the rain has made 90% of the population as mellow as ever. Every single post I see on Path this month has a correlation of not being able to move on to breaking up to giving up on love and such. And I just can't help but to be affected by it, though yes on the other side, I really am sick of it. I can't help but to join the melancholy team, and yes I plead guilty for listening to those sick cheesy songs ....and for putting it online on Path. (or 8tracks. or last.fm. oops.)
My favorite song at the moment is Just Ain't Gonna Work Out by the amazing, Mayer Hawthorne. (Speaking of which, I went to his show a few months ago and I got a chance to actually take a selfie with him! He was so nice and kind. Really hoping to get his albums on vinyls for my Christmas present this year) Anyway, I've been listening to the song every single day causeit fits the whole situation it's not sappy and sad and mellow and melancholy yet the lyrics are right-to-the-heart. They say, you can label a girl's current relationship status just by looking at her current favorite Mayer Hawthorne song--so yeah. About that.. I'm trying not to think about it at the moment. Things are bound to happen anyway and with or without a particular person in your life, you must go on. So yeah, I'm thankful because that particular person has entered my life, stayed (even only for a short period of time), made me happy and even though in the end chose to left, I'm still grateful for the time spent. :)
Enough of the telltale of a hopeless romantic, I really can't get over the fact that 2014 is coming to an end. As much as I'm disappointed of how time flies that fast, I'm also really excited to start a new chapter. New years are the best actually, I've always loved new years since I was a kid. It's like you're given a chance to turn things all around, a new beginning and just start fresh. A blank page. And hopefully a new character to fill the story on that page..? ;) Just kidding.
So yeah, that's all from me. I really need some sleep cause I haven't gotten enough since like a week ago. I wish you all have a wonderful week though the days before Christmas are usually the most hectic ones (especially students--complete your tasks before due date!!) while I spend mine.. maybe, just maybe, I'll use the rest of my remaining December to heal.. to get over it, to get over __.
How are you guys doing? I hope you're all doing good cause I'm currently, on top of the world. It's not difficult for you to decode the reason behind my happiness--it's because I, (and hundreds other people) have finished our 3rd semester, earlier today!! Whoo!! The results are going to be taken in like a few weeks from now, but all I care about right now is not the GPA--nope. It's December and it's actually my favorite month ..after February.
Oh, how I love December. It's getting nearer Christmas and I just can't control my excitement.
Like there's just always something good about December. Though it doesn't snow here, but the rain is just enough for me (I've written about how I love the rain in my previous post). It's actually been raining a frigging lot since the end of November, and uggggh I just hope it won't ever stop. I just really wish that the weather would continue being like this until eternity. I like to just close my eyes and imagine to be here at this exact place
So lovely and calm.
"Sweater weather" as they might say, (I may or may not just quoted a song by The Neighborhood but I've never even heard the song. Literally) the rain has made 90% of the population as mellow as ever. Every single post I see on Path this month has a correlation of not being able to move on to breaking up to giving up on love and such. And I just can't help but to be affected by it, though yes on the other side, I really am sick of it. I can't help but to join the melancholy team, and yes I plead guilty for listening to those sick cheesy songs ....and for putting it online on Path. (or 8tracks. or last.fm. oops.)
My favorite song at the moment is Just Ain't Gonna Work Out by the amazing, Mayer Hawthorne. (Speaking of which, I went to his show a few months ago and I got a chance to actually take a selfie with him! He was so nice and kind. Really hoping to get his albums on vinyls for my Christmas present this year) Anyway, I've been listening to the song every single day cause
Enough of the telltale of a hopeless romantic, I really can't get over the fact that 2014 is coming to an end. As much as I'm disappointed of how time flies that fast, I'm also really excited to start a new chapter. New years are the best actually, I've always loved new years since I was a kid. It's like you're given a chance to turn things all around, a new beginning and just start fresh. A blank page. And hopefully a new character to fill the story on that page..? ;) Just kidding.
So yeah, that's all from me. I really need some sleep cause I haven't gotten enough since like a week ago. I wish you all have a wonderful week though the days before Christmas are usually the most hectic ones (especially students--complete your tasks before due date!!) while I spend mine.. maybe, just maybe, I'll use the rest of my remaining December to heal.. to get over it, to get over __.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
novembo update
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Hi everyone!
I hope everyone’s doing fine, cause lately the weather has
been a total pain in the ass (THE HEAT!!!!!111!!!!) and that gives quite a large impact to my
up-and-down moods ugggh. Though it's getting closer to December, it still hasn't rained a bit yet. *sobs* The thing is, I’ve always loved rainy days since I was a kid. Though
mostly everyone hates the rain cause the thunderstorms and such, I just can't help but think that it's lovely.
See? Even the heavy ones are at least a little bit lovely.
I always keep in mind that the rain is just the sky’s way to express its feelings towards
us and we have no choice but to enjoy it. The reason behind my liking towards the rain is mainly
because my mom is a huge fan of the rain itself so as a kid I was quite
affected by it. Mom used to pull the Karen Smith thing –minus the chest
touching part—like she told me she could already sense “the smell of the rain”
from afar and whenever she drove me to school, she rolled both of our windows
so that I could feel the breeze. This total of 8 minutes gave me the best
pleasure—yup, the school that I attended from kindergarten up to middle school
was that near to my house like it doesn’t even reach a radius of 1 kilos, hence,
8 minutes. And now I just really miss that feeling. :(
So anyway, pretty much nothing has happened since June.. life has been flat as always. School has been keeping me busy as a bee, tasks here and there and I'm trying my best to manage time so I can still have my time off to relax my brain. I find it really hard to relax these days since every task from each classes would most likely collide cause the deadlines are so close to each other. I can't even finish a book in almost half a semester because of this!! Isn't that crazy? But yeah, with the help of Korean dramas, variety shows and the people who are always there to support me, I always remember once again why I'm doing all of this and to never forget my goal. I'm going to start the half-end term for my 3rd semester tomorrow, and I'm feeling both happy and sad (and I'm still figuring out how that could be). I'm happy cause it's getting nearer to the 6th semester--which is still a long way to go but I survived halfway!! *clap clap*. In the other side I'm sad cause I still haven't improved my very reserved personality and I'm still hard to express what I really feel to other people, and my parents are starting to get really worried about this to the point where they give me a very long and inspirational speech about how to mingle around people and society in general. It's sad sometimes, seeing other people can be so expressive and noisy, while I'm just there being the awkward turtle in the shell. I'm working on it though, I really need to tell them that maybe it's incurable--to stop putting hopes in me that I can be sociable or such cause I really cannot. I like being on my own, keeping myself busy, and I find peace within all this. So yeah, I hope they would understand my condition and not making this a bigger problem than it already is.
Anyway, it's getting late. I need to prepare my books for tomorrow's classes and I need to finish some tasks as well! So yeah, til we meet again :-)
Anyway, it's getting late. I need to prepare my books for tomorrow's classes and I need to finish some tasks as well! So yeah, til we meet again :-)
Sunday, July 20, 2014
what happens since then?
Hello!
Finally, I miss writing in here sooo much.. As usual, school's tasks were beyond crazy but I'm lucky now that the long awaited Ramadan holiday is here!! I'm going to Bali in five days and until then I have plentyyy of times but unfortunately nothing to do. Well I guess that explains why I changed the layouts and some stuffs here hehehe. Anyway, I promised to write something in here last October and I never actually did so, sorry for that and let me make up that promise through this post.
--
Within the past 9 months, I've been living my life quite differently than before. It's because I had to start things from the bottom all over again and I had to undergo quite a transition so you get the idea of it. Since graduation things have been different and somehow I have to admit that I changed within myself too.
Ever since the road splits, me and my friends, we are all immersed to our own new 'world'. We're all dealing with our new surroundings and everything, and it's just hard to make time for each other since we're all meeting new people that we're going to spend years ahead with. It makes me sad thinking about it at times, how the people you used to share jokes and nights and nights of talking about random things aren't there with you anymore. It's probably the hardest for me out of everyone else since I'm a picky, reserved and introverted person. (But I think I did well?)
There was a time when I felt like everybody was actually leaving me. The texts were short and emoji-less (ugh), my birthday was probably forgotten, and yeah a lot of other things. But then as time went, I became like that as well. I sent short and emojiless texts, I sent only stickers, I didn't bother to even open my social medias but quite surprisingly, all of this led to an even religious Marsha. Hashtag clap clap.
And so I couldn't remember exactly the day when it happened but I was on the way home from school and it was like 300 meters more until I reached home and my iPod was on shuffle, and the next thing I knew was Built This Way by Samantha Ronson came up. There are these particular lines that I can highly relate to;
Did you ever feel like you wanna be
Someone else for just one day?
Did you ever feel like you wanna see
Through another pair of eyes?
Finally, I miss writing in here sooo much.. As usual, school's tasks were beyond crazy but I'm lucky now that the long awaited Ramadan holiday is here!! I'm going to Bali in five days and until then I have plentyyy of times but unfortunately nothing to do. Well I guess that explains why I changed the layouts and some stuffs here hehehe. Anyway, I promised to write something in here last October and I never actually did so, sorry for that and let me make up that promise through this post.
--
Within the past 9 months, I've been living my life quite differently than before. It's because I had to start things from the bottom all over again and I had to undergo quite a transition so you get the idea of it. Since graduation things have been different and somehow I have to admit that I changed within myself too.
Ever since the road splits, me and my friends, we are all immersed to our own new 'world'. We're all dealing with our new surroundings and everything, and it's just hard to make time for each other since we're all meeting new people that we're going to spend years ahead with. It makes me sad thinking about it at times, how the people you used to share jokes and nights and nights of talking about random things aren't there with you anymore. It's probably the hardest for me out of everyone else since I'm a picky, reserved and introverted person. (But I think I did well?)
There was a time when I felt like everybody was actually leaving me. The texts were short and emoji-less (ugh), my birthday was probably forgotten, and yeah a lot of other things. But then as time went, I became like that as well. I sent short and emojiless texts, I sent only stickers, I didn't bother to even open my social medias but quite surprisingly, all of this led to an even religious Marsha. Hashtag clap clap.
And so I couldn't remember exactly the day when it happened but I was on the way home from school and it was like 300 meters more until I reached home and my iPod was on shuffle, and the next thing I knew was Built This Way by Samantha Ronson came up. There are these particular lines that I can highly relate to;
Did you ever feel like you wanna be
Someone else for just one day?
Did you ever feel like you wanna see
Through another pair of eyes?
I wanted to know how it feels to be at ease, to be able to
know that whether am I the only one who feels like this or not. But then again I just realized that I hadn't done this very thing since June. I surely knew that reality
came knocking through my door and I have no answer but to just finally open it anyway. I also realized that things
were dry and sour ever since June. But if I hadn't opened the door and kept pretending that I didn't hear the sound, when was I going to do it? So, against all odds, I decided to let my guards down and just simply opened the door. The thing is, I hadn't wholeheartedly accept the fact that I was parting ways with the people I felt most comfortable with and that's the dangerous part. People have opened their doors long time ago and I was just stuck there, covering my ears. I couldn't go forward because the past was pulling me back in. So yeah, even though now I have opened the door and what happened after was a world full of storms and such, I had to deal with it. With or without them. It may hurt at times, but it doesn't change the fact that you have what you have now. So I left my hideous feelings just as I entered the door and kept some to myself. Just so I could remember how it feels to be missing someone so much you feel like you're going to die.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
I'M SOOOOORRRYYYY
I'M SOOOORRYYYY!!! I DID NOT MEAN TO HURT MY LITTLE GIRRRRLL
SO FIRST THINGS FIRST :
I want to officially apologize for not being around in these past few months. 7 months to be exact. So I was quite 'missing' for more than a half year but it's okay; I'm okay, just a lot of things have happened-- like a lot a lot. No seriously though. A lot of things have happened like, um, new school.
SOOOOO.
Oh My God, it's been such a long time since the last time I posted something in here. And like I've said before, a lot of things have happened and I don't think that I can write all about it here.... but for a starter to it all, I am now : a fresh meat/freshie/freshman, all over again and guess what? I'm enjoying every tiny bit of it! Boo-yah.
Looking back a bit, I've came over graduation and prom and it's all good. The results came in and I came up as the second highest on my national exam heehheheehehhehehehehee so as they all say, hard work literally pays off in the end!
I have so much to write here but now's not the time cause I just got back from the hospital, bcs stupid appendix got in the way but thanks God the surgery went well and now I'm healing and fingers crossed I can go back to school presumably next week.
I promise I'll write something good once I recovered from this appendix thingy, and until then :
kisses,
m.
SO FIRST THINGS FIRST :
I want to officially apologize for not being around in these past few months. 7 months to be exact. So I was quite 'missing' for more than a half year but it's okay; I'm okay, just a lot of things have happened-- like a lot a lot. No seriously though. A lot of things have happened like, um, new school.
SOOOOO.
Oh My God, it's been such a long time since the last time I posted something in here. And like I've said before, a lot of things have happened and I don't think that I can write all about it here.... but for a starter to it all, I am now : a fresh meat/freshie/freshman, all over again and guess what? I'm enjoying every tiny bit of it! Boo-yah.
Looking back a bit, I've came over graduation and prom and it's all good. The results came in and I came up as the second highest on my national exam heehheheehehhehehehehee so as they all say, hard work literally pays off in the end!
I have so much to write here but now's not the time cause I just got back from the hospital, bcs stupid appendix got in the way but thanks God the surgery went well and now I'm healing and fingers crossed I can go back to school presumably next week.
I promise I'll write something good once I recovered from this appendix thingy, and until then :
kisses,
m.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
the girl can't help it (edited)
guess who's back.
back again.
i'm back.
tell a friend.
--
sorry guys! i just can't do an appropriate greeting because literally everytime i'm trying to say "hello" properly my scumbag brain plays that song inside my head so.. i just needed to get that out.
anyway! as cliche as it is i'm going to say this : oh my God it's march. And it's almost april! GETTING CLOSER TO GRADUATION FFFF YEAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
in the other hand, i'm sad cause it's almost over...but not really, i'm just glad that it's gonna end this fast hahaha. Don't judge me or label me as mean or bad or heartless cause if you're in my position right now, i believe you'd say the same thing. Okay i know that i've been bragging about school since my last post but i just can't help it ok? THIS GIRL CAN'T HELP IT.
--
I think you guys should know that i suffered hard for all this school thingy ok? Just imagine 3 months full of studying. that's called ; suffering. It has literally gone to a point where my brain couldn't cope with all these stuffs anymore.. last week i didn't get to sleep (well i did but only for an hour) because i had to study for the history+economic+geography test. and it didn't turn out well. i just couldn't be any f-ing happier. oh believe me i'm all smiles.
The thing is, i studied really really hard for the test-- you couldn't even imagine how hard i've studied-- but then the questions in the exams were exactly the opposite of what i've had studied the night before. [this is the proper time to use the classic --> Q: "on a scale of 1 to 10 how bad luck are you?" A: "Marsha."] so it's all a waste of time. And you know what's even worse? People just don't believe you every time you tell them that. They have such high expectations on you that they don't realize that actually, the reality isn't like that. I can't get all 100s on my exams and people just can't accept that. I mean I'm also human and I make mistakes too. I have my flaws and i'm just concentrating on being the best that i can be. (For the 100th time ...yes. I indeed quote it from The Social Network. It's crazy, my obsession with that movie). Some people just won't understand that, and i'm really really tired of it.
To be frank, I’m really tired of life. I'm not sure that I mean it in a suicidal way, but also in a plain fatigued way. I wish life could pause for a few days or a week or two or even a month so that I can at least breathe. I’m being given too much in too little time. I’m sick of studying, I'm sick of tryouts, I'm sick of exams, I’m sick of being busy all the damn time, and I’m sick of people “pushing me to succeed”. I’m just so tired.
You know quoting the first line from the last paragraph, i've never been so suicidal in my life. I'm only a teenager and yet i'm talking about all of this in such a hyperbolic way that you might be smiling right now and thinking to yourself, "this kid hasn't been through anything and yet she's talking about death". Well sir, I hate to break it out to you but it's the ugly truth. Behind the smiles and all that, i'm depressed. I'm not lying but i feel like I'm currently having a mental breakdown. It has literally gone to a point where i feel like i don't want to wake up and face reality and if i go.. it'll all end. Well, I guess it's a side effect of people pushing me to succeed.
The worst part of all is that i overthink everything. Some people came to me and said that my grades dropped and i'm not trying hard enough and this and that, and i kind of jolted up in that time. I've never had a moment like this before-- I had but now.. it's worse. On the outside i shrugged it all, but in the inside my brain kept replaying that sentence over and over again. The notion of it continuing in my head, it just won't stop. I kept on hearing it through my ears and i just couldn't stop it somehow. I cried for more than an hour and so, (i cry a lot these times) i listened to the smiths to brighten myself up but it just gotten worse. It's gotten really really worse. I thought that it'd be over in an hour but when i closed my eyes-- it's still there. The voice and everything, it haunted me that night. In the end, i haven't told my parents about this cause i know that they'd gladly bring my jolly arse to a therapist to talk about this and now's not a good time i guess. I figured out that it's the "Fear Of Not Satisfying People Around You", "Fear Of Not Being Good Enough" , "Fear Of Not Being The Best" that made me cry that hard.
Another time after that i was reading this book and i found something quite relatable to myself. There was this girl who hated her toenail so much and then her friend came and said something about dysmorphia. A little bit about This Dysmorphia Thing, it's when you look in the mirror and the thing you see is not the thing it really is. So to make it easier ; it's all up in your head. And then i thought to myself, it's all up in my head. It's true though that some people came to me and said that i didn't bring out the best in me lately but that's just it. There's nothing to exaggerate and blab about, but my brain just had to ruin it for me and be the scumbag it usually is. And it resulted in me crying all night while listening to the smiths and thinking about death. (Re: the paragraph above)
So above all that, i've made a decision. I thought about this for quite a long time and maybe, I should get off everything for a little while. (So I wouldn't see and hear and meet people who would most likely say things i didn't wanna hear and made me go to a therapist bcs all the cryings and depression and such. Because i'm just that timid and fragile, yes.). Get a refresh and stay away from social stuffs, perhaps I could be more concerned on my studies and exams. So wish me luck? wish me tons of luck.
back again.
i'm back.
tell a friend.
--
sorry guys! i just can't do an appropriate greeting because literally everytime i'm trying to say "hello" properly my scumbag brain plays that song inside my head so.. i just needed to get that out.
anyway! as cliche as it is i'm going to say this : oh my God it's march. And it's almost april! GETTING CLOSER TO GRADUATION FFFF YEAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
in the other hand, i'm sad cause it's almost over...but not really, i'm just glad that it's gonna end this fast hahaha. Don't judge me or label me as mean or bad or heartless cause if you're in my position right now, i believe you'd say the same thing. Okay i know that i've been bragging about school since my last post but i just can't help it ok? THIS GIRL CAN'T HELP IT.
--
I think you guys should know that i suffered hard for all this school thingy ok? Just imagine 3 months full of studying. that's called ; suffering. It has literally gone to a point where my brain couldn't cope with all these stuffs anymore.. last week i didn't get to sleep (well i did but only for an hour) because i had to study for the history+economic+geography test. and it didn't turn out well. i just couldn't be any f-ing happier. oh believe me i'm all smiles.
The thing is, i studied really really hard for the test-- you couldn't even imagine how hard i've studied-- but then the questions in the exams were exactly the opposite of what i've had studied the night before. [this is the proper time to use the classic --> Q: "on a scale of 1 to 10 how bad luck are you?" A: "Marsha."] so it's all a waste of time. And you know what's even worse? People just don't believe you every time you tell them that. They have such high expectations on you that they don't realize that actually, the reality isn't like that. I can't get all 100s on my exams and people just can't accept that. I mean I'm also human and I make mistakes too. I have my flaws and i'm just concentrating on being the best that i can be. (For the 100th time ...yes. I indeed quote it from The Social Network. It's crazy, my obsession with that movie). Some people just won't understand that, and i'm really really tired of it.
To be frank, I’m really tired of life. I'm not sure that I mean it in a suicidal way, but also in a plain fatigued way. I wish life could pause for a few days or a week or two or even a month so that I can at least breathe. I’m being given too much in too little time. I’m sick of studying, I'm sick of tryouts, I'm sick of exams, I’m sick of being busy all the damn time, and I’m sick of people “pushing me to succeed”. I’m just so tired.
You know quoting the first line from the last paragraph, i've never been so suicidal in my life. I'm only a teenager and yet i'm talking about all of this in such a hyperbolic way that you might be smiling right now and thinking to yourself, "this kid hasn't been through anything and yet she's talking about death". Well sir, I hate to break it out to you but it's the ugly truth. Behind the smiles and all that, i'm depressed. I'm not lying but i feel like I'm currently having a mental breakdown. It has literally gone to a point where i feel like i don't want to wake up and face reality and if i go.. it'll all end. Well, I guess it's a side effect of people pushing me to succeed.
The worst part of all is that i overthink everything. Some people came to me and said that my grades dropped and i'm not trying hard enough and this and that, and i kind of jolted up in that time. I've never had a moment like this before-- I had but now.. it's worse. On the outside i shrugged it all, but in the inside my brain kept replaying that sentence over and over again. The notion of it continuing in my head, it just won't stop. I kept on hearing it through my ears and i just couldn't stop it somehow. I cried for more than an hour and so, (i cry a lot these times) i listened to the smiths to brighten myself up but it just gotten worse. It's gotten really really worse. I thought that it'd be over in an hour but when i closed my eyes-- it's still there. The voice and everything, it haunted me that night. In the end, i haven't told my parents about this cause i know that they'd gladly bring my jolly arse to a therapist to talk about this and now's not a good time i guess. I figured out that it's the "Fear Of Not Satisfying People Around You", "Fear Of Not Being Good Enough" , "Fear Of Not Being The Best" that made me cry that hard.
Another time after that i was reading this book and i found something quite relatable to myself. There was this girl who hated her toenail so much and then her friend came and said something about dysmorphia. A little bit about This Dysmorphia Thing, it's when you look in the mirror and the thing you see is not the thing it really is. So to make it easier ; it's all up in your head. And then i thought to myself, it's all up in my head. It's true though that some people came to me and said that i didn't bring out the best in me lately but that's just it. There's nothing to exaggerate and blab about, but my brain just had to ruin it for me and be the scumbag it usually is. And it resulted in me crying all night while listening to the smiths and thinking about death. (Re: the paragraph above)
So above all that, i've made a decision. I thought about this for quite a long time and maybe, I should get off everything for a little while. (So I wouldn't see and hear and meet people who would most likely say things i didn't wanna hear and made me go to a therapist bcs all the cryings and depression and such. Because i'm just that timid and fragile, yes.). Get a refresh and stay away from social stuffs, perhaps I could be more concerned on my studies and exams. So wish me luck? wish me tons of luck.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
WAZZZZZUUUPPP
WADDDUPPPPP!!!!!
sooooo... oh God it's 2013-- and it's February--and it's almost march and i literally haven't posted anything since December lol, sozz guise!
Where have i been if you may ask.. i've been doing a lot of things lately. As in things i mean tasks and assignments and stuffs like that. The thing is, school doesn't allow me to breath properly right about now. I've been too busy with tasks and exam preps, but! the good news is that i got into one of the best academy/school in my city after i finish my senior year. Kudos to selff!!! Am i cool or am i cool?
First things first, I'm sorry for abandoning this blog for a little while--but i have my reason people! I didn't know that i'd be this busy before but then 2013 came and oh my God, i can't even say anything about it. These weeks are probably the busiest weeks of my life. But hard work literally pays off, like the only thing you're allowed to do NOW is study. Study, study and study. But in the end, i got accepted and it's all good for me now :p
Anyway. Things are way different than 2012, it's only 2 months but the differences are just too significant. Here are a few huge things that happened to myself (and made me content ever since) over the past 2 months (to catch up with yaknooo) :
1) I cut my hair
2) I like k-pop (only snsd and shinee i swear) (don't judge me please don't do it)
3) Got accepted (i've said it a million times but whatevs i'm proud of it)
4) I can park my car and i can drive better now.
Basically, those things are the main things that make me happy lately but some other (major/minor i also don't know) things also affect me in some ways. So thank you for making me a lot happier than before :-)
sooooo... oh God it's 2013-- and it's February--and it's almost march and i literally haven't posted anything since December lol, sozz guise!
Where have i been if you may ask.. i've been doing a lot of things lately. As in things i mean tasks and assignments and stuffs like that. The thing is, school doesn't allow me to breath properly right about now. I've been too busy with tasks and exam preps, but! the good news is that i got into one of the best academy/school in my city after i finish my senior year. Kudos to selff!!! Am i cool or am i cool?
First things first, I'm sorry for abandoning this blog for a little while--but i have my reason people! I didn't know that i'd be this busy before but then 2013 came and oh my God, i can't even say anything about it. These weeks are probably the busiest weeks of my life. But hard work literally pays off, like the only thing you're allowed to do NOW is study. Study, study and study. But in the end, i got accepted and it's all good for me now :p
Anyway. Things are way different than 2012, it's only 2 months but the differences are just too significant. Here are a few huge things that happened to myself (and made me content ever since) over the past 2 months (to catch up with yaknooo) :
1) I cut my hair
2) I like k-pop (only snsd and shinee i swear) (don't judge me please don't do it)
3) Got accepted (i've said it a million times but whatevs i'm proud of it)
4) I can park my car and i can drive better now.
Basically, those things are the main things that make me happy lately but some other (major/minor i also don't know) things also affect me in some ways. So thank you for making me a lot happier than before :-)
Monday, December 24, 2012
MERRY CHRISTMAS (mostly)
MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL XOXOXOXOXOOXOOO.
there you go, a very sad-looking selfie of me in my holiday jumper, trying to look happy as always.
soooo! it's christmas eve and what am i doing with my life really. I should be out there in the dining room, helping my mom cause my family's having a fairly fancy christmas open-house for my dad's colleagues (probably) and mostly, my brothers' friends tomorrow but i'm here, in my room, simultaneously blogging. i don't know when it happened but i'm 100% sure that the internet had taken my life. rip to my virgin-ish fresh brain.
You know for the record, i'm typing all of this while listening to wham's last christmas. Last christmas has always been my favorite christmas song since i first knew Ashley Tisdale from high school musical. (ironic, i know) Well, she covered the song circa 2008 i guess and then i acknowledged george michael and his band called Wham!, and since then, i've been listening to the song million times. Speaking of christmas songs, All I Want for Christmas by Mariah Carey is also my favorite christmas song. I just love the euphoria that i imagined in my head whenever this song came on. It's just soo good i can't even... Well played, mariah. :)
Anyway, as you probably know, school's off (finally...), i got my report card yesterday and well, you know what, straight A's are the new black. :D Other than that, i'll be spending the rest of the holiday....in my house. Yep, i won't go anywhere, at least that's what i've been told by my parents, just 2 weeks, at home, with my lovely speed internet connection. To be honest with you, I'm really really unsure about how i should feel and react to this. In one side, i should be happy because i can relax my mind and get a full rest, but in another side, are you for real? Like, i've been working my ass off this semester and can't a girl get her time-off? I was expecting some more dramatic family outing this december and well, there you go reality.
Maybe i should just be happy about whatever decision my parents are making for me this holiday because i'm going to a new school next year, and we're probably saving a lot of money since now so, i really have to understand them. So i guess, the things that i'll do from now on to next week will require a lot of boring tv shows, chocolate milk, topshop jumpers, shitload of sleep (i won't take it for granted, i swear!) and not give an eff about whatever it is that is happening because let me tell you this, it's been a fairly sh*tty month since october, and dramas are here and there and this holiday, i swear, i'll keep my mind off of those and JUST HAVE FUN.
Lastly, happy christmas eve (and merry christmas) to all of you who celebrate it in the church with Jesus, merry "non-religious" christmas to those who celebrate it with san miguel, coronas, and debauchery getting hammered-drunk, hope the party you're attending is dogs-bollocks and to all who don’t celebrate it, hope you have a good monday slash tuesday. :D
If i don't post anything until new year, i just wanna say, it's been a fairly good year with you lovely readers, the pageviews have been increasing like MAD this year, (although 2012 was kinda annoying per se) but above all of that, i love you all. I wish you all the best, i hope you eat yourselves silly, i hope you get all the presents you wished to get and i hope your day is filled with happiness and loveliness and blessing. Merry christmas & Happy new year.
always yours,
xx
m.
--
BONUS : santa i've been great this year, please just let me get this for christmas, this is not too much to ask....... i guess?
soooo! it's christmas eve and what am i doing with my life really. I should be out there in the dining room, helping my mom cause my family's having a fairly fancy christmas open-house for my dad's colleagues (probably) and mostly, my brothers' friends tomorrow but i'm here, in my room, simultaneously blogging. i don't know when it happened but i'm 100% sure that the internet had taken my life. rip to my virgin-ish fresh brain.
You know for the record, i'm typing all of this while listening to wham's last christmas. Last christmas has always been my favorite christmas song since i first knew Ashley Tisdale from high school musical. (ironic, i know) Well, she covered the song circa 2008 i guess and then i acknowledged george michael and his band called Wham!, and since then, i've been listening to the song million times. Speaking of christmas songs, All I Want for Christmas by Mariah Carey is also my favorite christmas song. I just love the euphoria that i imagined in my head whenever this song came on. It's just soo good i can't even... Well played, mariah. :)
Anyway, as you probably know, school's off (finally...), i got my report card yesterday and well, you know what, straight A's are the new black. :D Other than that, i'll be spending the rest of the holiday....in my house. Yep, i won't go anywhere, at least that's what i've been told by my parents, just 2 weeks, at home, with my lovely speed internet connection. To be honest with you, I'm really really unsure about how i should feel and react to this. In one side, i should be happy because i can relax my mind and get a full rest, but in another side, are you for real? Like, i've been working my ass off this semester and can't a girl get her time-off? I was expecting some more dramatic family outing this december and well, there you go reality.
Maybe i should just be happy about whatever decision my parents are making for me this holiday because i'm going to a new school next year, and we're probably saving a lot of money since now so, i really have to understand them. So i guess, the things that i'll do from now on to next week will require a lot of boring tv shows, chocolate milk, topshop jumpers, shitload of sleep (i won't take it for granted, i swear!) and not give an eff about whatever it is that is happening because let me tell you this, it's been a fairly sh*tty month since october, and dramas are here and there and this holiday, i swear, i'll keep my mind off of those and JUST HAVE FUN.
Lastly, happy christmas eve (and merry christmas) to all of you who celebrate it in the church with Jesus, merry "non-religious" christmas to those who celebrate it with san miguel, coronas, and debauchery getting hammered-drunk, hope the party you're attending is dogs-bollocks and to all who don’t celebrate it, hope you have a good monday slash tuesday. :D
If i don't post anything until new year, i just wanna say, it's been a fairly good year with you lovely readers, the pageviews have been increasing like MAD this year, (although 2012 was kinda annoying per se) but above all of that, i love you all. I wish you all the best, i hope you eat yourselves silly, i hope you get all the presents you wished to get and i hope your day is filled with happiness and loveliness and blessing. Merry christmas & Happy new year.
always yours,
xx
m.
--
BONUS : santa i've been great this year, please just let me get this for christmas, this is not too much to ask....... i guess?
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
rainy days, life, and well, everything. (if its possible)
ELLO PEOPLE!
oh God it's been 2 months since i left this blog and everything's still exactly like when i left it, hasn't changed a bit :"). (Wait, what.)
#
So in case you're wondering about where was i after all these times, i've been keeping myself busy with lots and lots of homeworks, tasks, essays (which i'll post later he.) and meh, possibly everything.
(asleep - the smiths)
I mentioned about "living my life" on my previous previous post so, that's the main reason why i left the internet for a while. I've been trying to live my life the way it's supposed to be, trying to get to know the people i've already met but haven't known them personally, (reminiscing the fact that i'm leaving in approximately 5,6 or 7 months), doing school assignments (everyday oh mYGOD) and i spent most of the time you know, thinking. There's this time when I overthink things way too much until i questioned myself, "do you always think this much?"
...Is it weird? That i often think about things i'm not supposed to think? Well i'm a thinker- i must say, but this is getting stronger everyday. Like i think way too much to the point where my head hurts and the only way to reduce it is to sleep. (Like i can haha.) Or maybe to listen to the sound of the rain. (I downloaded it, oh God, it's true about what they say, you can download everything from the internet these days.)
Speaking of which, it's been raining A LOT since october. It's good though--it's the good kind. The ones that'll make you feel warm even though it's cold outside. The ones that'll make you feel like you're a part of the universe-- like you're really there-- like you really do belong "here". The ones that'll make couples crumble to each other and us singles will listen to Ed Sheeran for the rest of the day. The ones where you just want to go outside and dance and just forget about everything for a while.
(That's funny though; "Forget about everything for a while". The truth is, I'm desperate to even breath right now. I just need to get away from everything (and by everything i mean people. or school.) for at least a day, a day off to watch old tvs.)
As the days go by, it's becoming a routine now. Those damned tasks, assignments, deadlines, and everything i can't write here. You know there's not a day without a ton of sighs and whines. I'm just tired, maybe even bored. It's becoming too frequent; the thinking too much, the ed sheeran replays, and well everything--possibly.
But if it's true what they say about this, i hope i can make it. I hope i won't be "that kid again". I hope i won't be just the girl around the corner. I hope all the ed sheeran replays, all the walk home by the rain, all the crumbles and all the time i sacrificed is worth it. Amen.
oh God it's been 2 months since i left this blog and everything's still exactly like when i left it, hasn't changed a bit :"). (Wait, what.)
#
So in case you're wondering about where was i after all these times, i've been keeping myself busy with lots and lots of homeworks, tasks, essays (which i'll post later he.) and meh, possibly everything.
(asleep - the smiths)
I mentioned about "living my life" on my previous previous post so, that's the main reason why i left the internet for a while. I've been trying to live my life the way it's supposed to be, trying to get to know the people i've already met but haven't known them personally, (reminiscing the fact that i'm leaving in approximately 5,6 or 7 months), doing school assignments (everyday oh mYGOD) and i spent most of the time you know, thinking. There's this time when I overthink things way too much until i questioned myself, "do you always think this much?"
...Is it weird? That i often think about things i'm not supposed to think? Well i'm a thinker- i must say, but this is getting stronger everyday. Like i think way too much to the point where my head hurts and the only way to reduce it is to sleep. (Like i can haha.) Or maybe to listen to the sound of the rain. (I downloaded it, oh God, it's true about what they say, you can download everything from the internet these days.)
Speaking of which, it's been raining A LOT since october. It's good though--it's the good kind. The ones that'll make you feel warm even though it's cold outside. The ones that'll make you feel like you're a part of the universe-- like you're really there-- like you really do belong "here". The ones that'll make couples crumble to each other and us singles will listen to Ed Sheeran for the rest of the day. The ones where you just want to go outside and dance and just forget about everything for a while.
(That's funny though; "Forget about everything for a while". The truth is, I'm desperate to even breath right now. I just need to get away from everything (and by everything i mean people. or school.) for at least a day, a day off to watch old tvs.)
As the days go by, it's becoming a routine now. Those damned tasks, assignments, deadlines, and everything i can't write here. You know there's not a day without a ton of sighs and whines. I'm just tired, maybe even bored. It's becoming too frequent; the thinking too much, the ed sheeran replays, and well everything--possibly.
But if it's true what they say about this, i hope i can make it. I hope i won't be "that kid again". I hope i won't be just the girl around the corner. I hope all the ed sheeran replays, all the walk home by the rain, all the crumbles and all the time i sacrificed is worth it. Amen.
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