rainy days, life, and well, everything. (if its possible)

ELLO PEOPLE!

oh God it's been 2 months since i left this blog and everything's still exactly like when i left it, hasn't changed a bit :"). (Wait, what.)

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So in case you're wondering about where was i after all these times, i've been keeping myself busy with lots and lots of homeworks, tasks, essays (which i'll post later he.) and meh, possibly everything.

(asleep - the smiths)

I mentioned about "living my life" on my previous previous post so, that's the main reason why i left the internet for a while. I've been trying to live my life the way it's supposed to be, trying to get to know the people i've already met but haven't known them personally, (reminiscing the fact that i'm leaving in approximately 5,6 or 7 months), doing school assignments (everyday oh mYGOD)  and i spent most of the time you know, thinking. There's this time when I overthink things way too much until i questioned myself, "do you always think this much?"

...Is it weird? That i often think about things i'm not supposed to think? Well i'm a thinker- i must say, but this is getting stronger everyday. Like i think way too much to the point where my head hurts and the only way to reduce it is to sleep. (Like i can haha.) Or maybe to listen to the sound of the rain. (I downloaded it, oh God, it's true about what they say, you can download everything from the internet these days.)

Speaking of which, it's been raining A LOT since october. It's good though--it's the good kind. The ones that'll make you feel warm even though it's cold outside. The ones that'll make you feel like you're a part of the universe-- like you're really there-- like you really do belong "here". The ones that'll make couples crumble to each other and us singles will listen to Ed Sheeran for the rest of the day. The ones where you just want to go outside and dance and just forget about everything for a while.

(That's funny though; "Forget about everything for a while". The truth is, I'm desperate to even breath right now. I just need to get away from everything (and by everything i mean people. or school.) for at least a day, a day off to watch old tvs.)

As the days go by, it's becoming a routine now. Those damned tasks, assignments, deadlines, and everything i can't write here. You know there's not a day without a ton of sighs and whines. I'm just tired, maybe even bored. It's becoming too frequent; the thinking too much, the ed sheeran replays, and well everything--possibly.

But if it's true what they say about this, i hope i can make it. I hope i won't be "that kid again". I hope i won't be just the girl around the corner. I hope all the ed sheeran replays, all the walk home by the rain, all the crumbles and all the time i sacrificed is worth it. Amen.

things to do whilst past the point of no return

i have no idea why i used that sentence as a title. but it sounded cool so.. yeah.

ANYWAY!

How are ya people? Is you okay? Is you? ...See what i did there? I added a bit of a glozell here and there but mostly, how are you feeling? I'm on my school holiday so i guess i'm good...? At least i think i am.

First things first, i want to say sorry for abandoning this blog for quite a while now. (isn't it? a month? i don't know exactly.) Therefore, i am here, ready to type all the magical words to bring you to the joyous world of the bloggity blog blog blog. Not really.

--

So.. July, huh? 6 down, 6 to go. And i mean, just like that, 2012 is half over? It seems like yesterday it was just January though. One thing i surely know now is that time does fly fast. And still i haven't done something meaningful yet until this very moment. About 3 months ago i decided to do something quirky/witty/you name it, so i can look back and see how weird memorable it was but ..words will be just words, till you bring them to life. *le sigh* (just for the record, i DID quote one direction.... don't judge.)

I remember having a conversation about this at a public bathroom, about a month ago from now. It was with my best friend Andari, maybe i've mentioned her name or maybe not but background info on her : loveliest lady ever.

Back to the bathroom stall, with the mixed feelings of absurdity, nervousness, and the cold feet I’ve just experienced caused by one damn report card, it’s her turn to feel the same way.

I’ve known her for 2 years now and I can say that she’s one of the toughest human being I’ve ever met in my life. And it was the very first time that I could see her like that. Then there I was, then-overhappy-sophomore-girl, sitting on the bathroom floor, encouraging her best friend so she could threw up. Which was useless anyway, because she hadn’t eaten anything from the previous night and also it’s not quite picturesque if you might ask, because somehow it's considered as an awkward situation.

“You can’t just force yourself to puke like that. I mean, if you wanna puke, you will.”, I said to her half-heartedly because I honestly was really starving at the time. I heard her mumble(d) something like ‘mm-hmm’ or ‘yea’, I couldn’t hear her clearly through the plastic doors, until she decided to flung it open and reveal her o-face, -- you know that face someone would gladly pull after their hangover starts kicking in? I like to call it the o-face. and just for the record, she already put that o-face before she attempted to puke whatsoever so, it's o face TOPS o face.

 “But if I puke randomly, it’ll be nasty and,” blah blah blah.  I stopped listening to her after a few pros and cons about whether she should eat and then threw up (which is HELLO. IT’S GOOD FOOD BRO.) or sit around and wait until the right time..to puke, we kinda went for the latter until le awkward silence filled the air and I finally said something good. 

You know it’s kind of surprising, reminiscing the fact that I’m not the visual/audio-first-kind-of-person so, kudos to self. “You know we only got 1 year left until we go our separate ways.” “Yeah, I know.” “Time flies quite fast.”

It felt like yesterday i was just a clueless little freshman. Freshman year was the greatest year though, i remember everything really clearly. It was so much fun compared to my sophomore year. My second year was supposed to be the 'fun' year but it ended up being a blur.

Back to my convo with Andari, i thought, "Well that was deep,". Other than that, i thought she's right. Time really does fly fast. I've said that a gazillion times but i didn't really mean it, until that very moment. I thought, What the hell, i've wasted so many days doing stupid and reckless things. You know, YOLO. I don't know YOLO seems to be my excuse to everything lately.

Also, i didn't realize how i only got 12 months left to spare. Well damn, 6 actually. 6 months left and then bam! f-tons of exams are ready to bite you right in the arse. Not literally, because that'd be disgusting.

{To sum things up, i don't know where i'm going after this whole senior sphere. Of course, my parents and my brother planted ideas of which school i am going to take after this but I also have different plans, here and there. So the point is : i don't know which path to take. Maybe 'know' is not the right word, maybe the right word is, 'ready'.}

I know i always say how i wanted to leave school immediately and i hated to do assignments etc. but at the end of the day, i know i'm not ready yet. Not yet ready to leave things behind, to face a new start. 

Andari's quick standing up movement made me stop all the 'deep-thoughts' that i was (over-)thinking. And with that, i got out from the bathroom and headed outside.

And so we sat in front of the teacher's rooms. I looked across the balcony and i found that some people were crying. But either way, some others were just happy that they finally passed their grades. The mixed feelings confused me in some ways but I ignored the sight, yet i decided to look up front. As far as i can remember, it was just clouds and clouds, and clouds. I stared down--blankly at the empty classrooms and I finally got to the stage when i knew that things are going to end; like i was sort of standing close to the edge of a building and things are ready to stop there but you miraculously hope that it'd turn 180 degrees-- which is impossible.

I felt sour. I wasn't sad, but i wasn't happy either. I felt sour. I could feel it. I wanted to do something about it but it all seemed like an act of waste or helplessness may be the word they could nail to the situation.

I remember listening to amateur's feeling by porcelain raft all the way home, and still, i kept thinking about it. All the fun that i've had years before, and how i only got 1 year-- freaking 1 year left! I put my ipod on shuffle and that new song by maroon 5 i just purchased yesterday kicked in. The lyrics caught my attention, "you say it's too late to make it, but is it too late to try?". It clicked.

I put it on repeat and what felt like the seventieth time that day, i smiled sheepishly. Adam levine's voice that rang through my earphone felt like it came from nowhere, and echoed blatantly through the solid room.

I finally knew that it's not too late to turn things over, and everything isn't moving too fast, i'm just too stupid to realize that i didn't cherish them/it in the first place. Maybe time doesn't fly too fast, maybe it's just us and things that came too early.

brain roll(s) and deep thoughts

why hello der! what's the cracka lackin erryone yooooo
{read in half gangster - half british accent. how so? figure out yourself.}

so first of all, i have no idea why i wrote 'brain roll(s)' as the title post and why i did that intro. (because i can). it just wind into my mind and if this explanation helps, brain-roll isn't like sushi roll. *quick tip : don't imagine a brain-roll, you'll puke bricks. literally.

...i just wrote a whole paragraph about brain-roll, which i don't even know about its own existence, but meh.

and this is getting off-topic and nowhere so, yeah.

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(play Set The Tigers Free by Villagers to add more realistic sense, it helped me write this post.)

Sorry for abandoning this blog with quality writing (haha!). i've been through a lot of things and problems and struggles with my own self. For some reasons, I've distant myself from some things that i sadly can't write here (because it's too personal, sorry.), but hopefully i'll get better/recover soon.

I've been thinking a lot, deep thoughts nor easy ones. considering i'll leave in approximately a year from now, i have a lot to leave, gain and/or take.

to be honest, i haven't been using time quite wisely these 5 months. I didn't think about stuffs and like MGMT said on their song 'Kids', no time to think of consequences. I didn't think- i just did. That left me a little bit of remorse when i think back about them.

-
To lose some or leave things behind.
I have to leave a few things or maybe a few certain people behind. Which is quite a sad thing, because i personally know that 25% of myself are going to miss them. But like what society has taught and told me, they said that we'll eventually change. People change, we change, you change. Being the no-jimmy-protested type of person myself, i think i must agree... to disagree.

Instead of being told that i've changed, i'm going to act normal and say, 'I don't change, i just learn to live myself out of yours.'.

Because no matter what, we can't keep thinking that those stuffs are coming back, and happy or not, we'll have to face another day, with or without them.

To get some or gain slash take.
I still need to learn a lot-- we all are. There are lots and lots of things for me to gain or take from all the people that surround me everyday. Not to be exactly like them, but learn how to be like them.

Aside from gaining others' great deeds, i also promised myself to gain a whole lot of experiences before i leave.
Experiences. Sad, happy, winning, losing. I've been told 'No'-s a lot. Got rejected, replaced, ignored and despite all the sadness after it, the whole scenery gave me a rather exciting experience. Cheesy and cliche but it's true though. Now I can see why a lot of people can relate to the infamous 'Experience is the best teacher' quote.
-

Despite all the stuffs above, I might as well pull an LMFAO and get all the fun and keep being the person i was yesterday, but i think it's not the best decision to take. Growing up as a better person ain't as easy as it seems. Because in fact, everything is not what it seems.

But after all, by doing all the stuffs i've written above, i think i'm ready to leave.

dreams and whatnot.

I sometimes think about how people can cope with their dreams or hopes. I personally don’t even know what I’m going to be or where I’m going for the next few years.

I thought about my dreams quite often—well like most of people do, I do try to make things work but at the end of the day I was never sure. What I was never sure of with what I’m going through with it.

To be honest, my own future is already on my fingertips. Not to be cocky but, my English is not that bad, my drawings are quite decent, I have a little bit of taste in fashion, and all I gotta do is work on them & practice a lot more. You may think that it’s really easy to just go with it and bam! Academy of Arts SF, but no, because it’s really hard when society forces you to do something you don’t want to.

I grow up with people who lend their dreams on me, as well as my brother does. The reason is because their dreams didn’t come true and if I live on their expectation they thought it could be better for both sides. Well I love my family and my friends, and to see them live happily and whatnot will be really great for me but after all, you can’t do something that doesn’t suit you, can you?

I’ve always wanted to do something that goes on with fashion, well this might sound corny and stuffs but I still think that -waking up late on a 5^th avenue apartment, rushing to starbucks to buy your editor-in-chief slash killer boss a latte and pick up the newest collection for VOGUE’s next month issue- is cool. And yes your guess is right mi hombre, I’ve always wanted to be a fashion editor.

My family wants me to be a dentist. They ‘forced’ me though, to be honest. They said things about all the money I’m going to have and how it’ll lead to a better life is the exact opposite of being a fashion editor—which they always say it’s an utter crap job. My father said I could be both, fashion editor and dentist, two things at a time, but to be realistic and whatnot, no. You gotta pick one.

 To disappoint my family and my friends is one of the most unholy things I will never do in my life, and that goes on top of the list. But, -- my favorite English word, but – I realize that I’m going to sacrifice my passion and my love and my happiness for this.

I’m that type of person who couldn’t get away with something and kept thinking about it until it goes away, and this time I know it wont go away, because this thing, I’m going to make a living out of it.

This may sound stupid and selfish but I’m not going to live my whole life in guilt or grow up as a woman filled with regret, aren’t I? No. But at the same time I’ll throw away their hopes on me. Which is a really hard thing to do and see because without them I won’t even be here typing all of these letters.

I know how much salary and all the money I’ll eventually or occasionally get if  I work as a dentist but I wont be doing something that I love. Living in a big house and full of maids and butlers and stuffs aren’t going to make me happy. Living in a flat on 5^th avenue with my cat and my lovely macbook is going to make happy. Touching people’s teeth is not amusing and picking up clothes for models is one damn thing that’ll keep me satisfied.

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I know why they’re pushing me to live their dream. My family, they don’t take risks. They don’t like challenges and they can never take failure as an answer. They play safe. They want me to choose something that most people do, and came out successful with it. Despite all the ups and downs of being a fashion editor.

My future offers me choices and of course, I have to make a decision. It’s still years and years from now but what’s wrong with preparation, right? I want to take risks and yes, perhaps 75% of the chance it’ll be labeled as the wrong decision but at least I ended up doing something that I love and that’s what I’ve chosen before. Take the wrong decision and stuck somewhere chill, make an awful lot of mistakes and learn from them. It’s cliché but it’s true.

After all, I’m pretty sure what I am going to choose next is going to be a huge impact and change in my life. Change is always based on a reason. Changing always leads you to a new sphere. Either for good or for worse. Maybe I’ll be a dentist and make my parents and friends happy. Maybe I’ll be a fashion editor and meet a guy on acne. Who knows what the future holds? You can never guess what will happen next. I hope everything stays in its place and until then, I’ll certainly live my present life to its fullest and my future is going to be as bright as arctic monkeys’ lightning set in Coachella weekend 1. (They smashed it!)

Social Network

"Social Network Sites". Nowadays, those 3 words (or often shortened to 'Social Network' or 'Social Networking') aren't weird or seem strange for us to hear. Of course, social networking is one of the most popular thing that has changed our lives, apart from the internet.

A social network site is a web based service that allows users to create profiles, see the list of available users, as well as to invite or accept a friend to join the site. The definition or meaning from the word itself already shows us a quite large representation about the social network itself.

Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr are just a few examples of a social networking site. Being and staying online on twitter, facebook, and tumblr are very normal or ordinary for us teenagers to do. We socialize, have a little chat, or maybe just to kill time to reduce your boredom. 

Being on a social networking is very addictive. Even when i type all of these words, i still can't control my need to check what's happening on my tumblr. 

That thing above is one of the main reasons i'm writing this essay. "Is Facebook or any other social networks taking away the fun from playing in the real life?"

As an early teenager on my adolescent life, i would gladly disagree. Why? Because yes, maybe we don't have that much time our parents or ancestors used to have years ago but now, things have changed and they're the exact different.-- Well not really--  slightly. 

Well- yes we do spend hours here on facebook or twitter, but without the help of these social networking we won't be able to talk to our friends as easy as we do now. Let's say parents, they could search and add their old high school friends on facebook, right? And twitter, it helps you to know the latest update about "what's happening at the moment". Right?

With the existence of the social network site, we could meet people all over the world without meeting them in person- which means that took us a cheaper cost than calling them via homephones/phones, and or we could get to know different people from anywhere in the world. In a more simpler way, it leads us to a better 'change'. And not to mention how quick the internet is.

A lot of adults here in my country banned their kids to sign up on twitter or facebook. I'm going to be honest here, i'm one of them kids. I used to have accounts on twitter and facebook, but my parents said that it's not that good for me and i should play outside more often, despite the fact that i need a social life too. So therefore, i deactivated my accounts and well things don't really change either.

Although the use of the social network is often misused by villains or bad people, still- i think a social networking site is good for us teenagers but depends on how you react and whether you use them for good or bad.

I may not be the smartest of all about these things, but i can say that i'm pretty sure about what i'm writing. But, again, i think it's really a matter of perspective or depends on how you see them.

valentine and other cheesy stuffs

(k i know im no good at writing titles. enough said)

hi pee-ple, sorry for the previous post, yes yes it's a little bit unimportant but ye that's just me. ignore them if you want to, i do. hehe :D

anyway since today is tuesday valentine's day and everyone is talking slash posting special things about 'em i guess i'll give it a go too. i'm not usually a mainstreamer but ...idk it's different this time. (?)

well my valentine's day went worse than expected. not really, but if i compare this year's valentine with the others i guess this year is the worst. not worst-"worst" just, nothing really happened today. not that i expected massive crazy things to happen but that's alright though.

speaking of valentine, i'm still a part of the forever alone team. well i guess it's pretty weird to say that i kinda like or enjoy being like this. despite my friends being a total douche above everything that refers to forever alone, jk haha. things are pretty rocking and i don't wanna be too rushy-- i mean just let things flow, you know? (that rhymes!). i tend to be a little bit serious at stuffs like this and the thing is that, i want to learn to love myself before i start to love other people. it's as simple as that.

people may see this and say that all of the above is bullsh*t. but i'm serious, how could you love other people if you don't love yourself? i don't want to be in an unsteady relationship and brags about it all the time yo, i think it's better when you already know that you really are ready about the risks and stuffs like that. well for me it's a pretty big step because i'm a serious person. to those of you who don't-really-feel-like-dating-but-you-date-anyway, well let's just say why do you spend your time on something that you don't even have a clue about what you're doing?

at the end of the day time will do great things and the best thing you can do is learn while waiting for the time to come.

letter (1)

i'm writing this while listening to mango tree by angus&julia stones, so i suggest you guys could put the record on too (:

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Hi, you.

Since writing a letter is the safest and -yes, it's the only way i could communicate with/to you, so... yeah. i decided to write (you) one.

well, how are things going?

Umm, i think that sentence doesn't seem to be a nice greeting and makes things awkward yet cricky instead, but i do really want to know.

i hope things turn out fine or "just okay" or "yeah it's good" because i'm expecting you to ask me back. Well that sounds shallow but mine's pretty rocking by the way.

So.. have you sorted things out yet? If it's a "yea kinda", kudos to you. If it's a "nope, still finding my way" i wish you the best of luck and without sounding like a wuzz fuzz: i order you to move your 4$$ and figure things out, pronto.

have you found your desiderata of happiness? or your very own pursuit of happiness? if it's a "Yes, i'm loving my life like awh-some" again, kudos to you. if it's a "still trying here" well you better get going cause life goes on and time flies fast. Hurry up before time catches you.

are you still puzzled with life? if it's a "no, i'm not a fool anymore" that's...great. if it's a "yeah, life's still a blur" i'm begging you to try. Yes, life's a very hard thing to solve yet it's a very ridiculous mystery. and yes, you may not find the answer but, trust me, at the end of the day, you'd feel great about yourself because you'll know that you tried and after that moment, you'll know what life is and things will work out the way you expected them to be.

uhm, i was just wondering, are you still making the same mistakes like i do now? If it's a "nope." well that's just okay. just okay. if it's a "to be honest, yes. i still make mistakes like i did back then" this time, i'm going to act cool and for your surprise... i'm going to give you an applause.

well i might sound like i'm crazy or something but yes, that's what i'm going to do. i gotta say that i kinda admire you for still making those silly stupid mistakes. Why? i know you're a great person (haha) and well i guess everybody know that (ahahahahahahaha) and now you're pissed because i typed hahahaha so much. okay back to the topic.

you know that time when you feel like "i'm done with this. i'm so sick with all of these things." and blablabla you feel like, you're going to do 'something' good about your life? when that time comes, you'll no longer be able to make those same mistakes. because you've learned what's wrong and what's right before. i know it's not as simple as that.. i know those times when you feel low about yourself, got stuck somewhere chill, and missed some great points about life, but as i said before, you could make a learning out of it.

you could now say thanks to those mistakes you've made.

in the end,
I don't know where you are now, and what do you do now and i don't know whether if maybe you're still listening to incubus and stuffs (but that's just you), or just lay around and reading this right now..

but i'd still wish you the best of luck.

sincerely,

the coolest person you'll ever meet

something to think about.

Hi loves! (eww. yuck)

How's 2012 so far? Great? Well mine's pretty much the same..(--like 2011, i mean yearight bro, we all only/just passed 10 days of 2012. ha.) so far but who knows what's going to happen next, right?

anyway.. today's post is about, well you're going to read it anyway so you decide what is it about (?) haha, because i personally can't think any word/topic to describe it sooo yeah. HA. today's post also contains a lot of anger, pms, madness(not really.)

--

Well today i just got back from school and my other classes, as always, came back exhausted tired and emotionally unhappy. And then i thought that scrolling on my blackberry messenger would immediately made my day but guess who's pissed after 2 seconds looking (well reading actually) on its bb screen........

caroline flack.

NO. THIS GIRL. THIS GIRL IS LITERALLY PISSED OFF. PISSED THE FRIGGIN PEANUTS OFF. (did i just use that phrase for real? ha ha ha, i should start calling myself liam then.) well move along..

he/she wrote something that made my day even worse. worse than ever. (compared to that time when i couldn't watch arctic monkeys on australia...a little bit the same.) Well, she teased another people's religion. on status. and by "another people" i mean .....that person, oh--ho-hoo he's really hot important to me! and my friends!

apparently, a lot of people didn't seem to care about this thing he/she wrote but people, don't you feel.. i don't know, ticked?

even though this person's religion is the exact same with me (and it doesn't matter. at all.), but geez, do you even think about his feelings when you wrote that? do you think twice about how and what he might feel when he found out that YOU WROTE THAT ON PURPOSE? ON PURPOSE FOR GOD'S SAKE.

Have respect for others please dear. Have mercy. Think twice-- use your brain and heart, God gave you one. use it wisely. Your brain wasn't set to think about some sick joke. and use your heart to FEEL what others MIGHT FEEL. you don't live in this world like, ALONE. you live with millions other. Learn, respect.

just don't be such a cocky human-being. or otherwise you're just a heartless-cyborg shaped in human force. Ha.

--

p.s : in varietate concordia. LEARN it before somebody whips their a$$es on your face.

random-ish

hi :)

so today i decided not to go to school. why? it's not really important anyway. then why did i write that on -- oh well forget it.

oh, i just got back from milo cup 2011! so stoked, everything was managed very well & the crowd was crazy.
our dance team turned out to be the 2nd runner up & us (supporters) won the first prize hahahaha,too shocking bcs all of our rivals were really tough to compete. congrats congrats tricera {}

anyway, i've been recovering from my un-cheerful-ness life lately. (read the previous posts with 'sappy' or 'melodramatic' labels on it. caution : you would totally puke on your computer after approximately 3 minutes you finished reading them.. your welcome) after the time i force myself to meditate (?), i finally got the courage to put back my missing piece of 'the happy soul' i used to have before i receive that darn report card. the book "ice cream & sadness" helped me a lot though. worth the read :)

the last paragraph sounds way more cheesy than pizza hut's deluxe cheese, doesn't it hahaha

so, before it gets more cheesy, i should just, stop the post here.


so yeah, i guess that's all for this post.


bye folks :D

"the wheel" kind-of-thing

hi. sorry for the late update(s,i've been busy dealing with some problems, --school to be exact.

so yesterday, i just received my report card (midterms result) and....my grades dropped. drastically. (not really, but still, it's a bad thing!)

for the past 8 years of school, i've never became "the second". not to be cocky, but it's true. i've always been the best, the-too-good-to-be-true kind of student. and now....it's just, shocking. TOO shocking.
the worse thing is that i don't even know where i went wrong. weird. i know

last night, i tried to figure out "where did i go wrong?". and after a whole lot of thinking, still, i have no clue. at all. "maybe it's just bad luck, or whatever, you still have a chance to win" said archie to me while i was being sappy and things. but then he said again,
"you know, maybe it's good for you, you could take this as a -good- lesson. could you try to be a wee bit more positive?" i sighed. but after all i realized it was right. he was right.

this is a phase where i needed to be wrong, where i needed to lose. because, life is like a wheel. you can't always be on "the top", you know? well i guess i just have to know what it feels like; to be a loser. if i'm too-good-never-been-losing-before, i will be a total cocky person, a pathetic one. a very pathetic one. and i won't be matured and grow up.

.....or i could just.. whine, moan, brag and get used to it --to be a loser hahaaha just kidding.

so yeah. wish me luck folks :)

elongated

arctic monkeys - cornerstone

Thought I saw you in the battleship
But it was only a look-a-like
She was nothing but a vision trick
Under the warning light
She was close, close enough to be your ghost
But my chances turned to toast
When I asked her if I could call her your name

I thought I saw you in the rusty hook
Huddled up in wicker chair
I wandered up for a closer look
And kissed who ever was sitting there

She was close, and she held me very tightly
'til I asked awfully politely, "Please
Can I call you her name?"

And I elongated my lift home,
Yeah I let him go the long way round
I smelt your scent on the seatbelt
And kept my shortcuts to myself

I thought I saw you in The Parrot's Beak
Messing with the smoke alarm
It was too loud for me to hear her speak
And she had a broken arm

It was close, so close that the walls were wet
And she wrote it out in letraset
"No, you can't call me her name"

Tell me where's your hiding place
I'm worried I'll forget your face
And I've asked everyone
And I'm beginning to think I imagined you all along

I elongated my lift home
Yeah, I let him go the long way 'round
I smelt your scent on the seatbelt
And kept my shortcuts to myself

I saw your sister in the cornerstone
On the phone to the middle man
When I saw that she was on her own
I thought she might understand
She was close, well you couldn't get much closer
She said "I'm really not supposed to but yes,
You can call me anything you want"


genius one mister

still

hffft.

did you ever feel like you're going into something really great but when you already passed it halfway, you feel like, something's up and it's bringing you down? that's what i'm feeling right now. i just want to move out, grow a beard & join a circus. errr (no i'm kidding about the circus thingy haa.) but seriously i can't do this thing i mean i know i haven't done it yetttt but it's really hard for me. well i keep on thinking about this thing, i mean what am i doing? i'm doing this for my own good but i just can't stop now, in the middle of everything like this.

but i decided to keep on going. just like what my friend said, "like a game, you've reached the highest level and now you want to start over from the 1st level? aww come on man, you know you can do better than being over-sappy, underrated-ly melodramatic like this."

you guys might think that i'm such a hypocrite cause i've written one thing like this before and i've said "regret's just a waste of time" hahaha. yes, it does. regret, looking back, ....those things surely don't help you to move on, they made you stuck there, with your mistakes.

something better is coming up, i believe that. time heals. time does wonderful things. other people have better things to do, and i do too. <3

adios

hi :) im back! YEEEEEEEEAAA.

anyway, i dedicate this post to my 2010-2011 class.
--
so yeah. the final exam's over and my sophomore year is going to start in about 2 weeks or something. OF COURSE, after the long holiday. I guess everything's quite well until i realize that i only have 1 week left to spend my days with my classmates. Whoa, time is pretty fast, right? It feels like the midterms were just yesterday and now we have to deal with our next grade, our final report card or whatever that is. At first , i didn't really get along well i mean i just knew a few people and they were (already) really really nice to me. Great things happened when the second semester came. Me and my friends, we became really close , i have like more than 7 bestfriends here! And better things happen when i sat next to Judith which is one of my bestfriend! She's a really kind person like super duper sincere. I sat in front of tasya and across Della+Sarah. About tasya, she is really funny! It's impossible not to laugh to her jokes , i'm going to miss the laugh so much. Della and Sarah they're really nice also and really talkative . Andari dyah and other class c mates arrrrrghhh :( i'm going to miss you guys sooooo much! i know sometimes i overreacted. i'm the troublemaker, the crybaby, the one who always gets teased as the flat nose , sometimes the smarty pants, the one who laughs a lot, or whatever you guys think about me..... the thing is, i really love you guys! and i really mean it.

And i want to say thanks to my wonderful classmates + class c mates , if i make mistakes i just really want to say sorry cause i want you guys to know that i didn't mean it, if i'm being selfish or sometimes moody, please do understand :)

haaah. i guess time would heal everything. i hope.


but otherwise i'm also sooo excited about my sophomore year XP

everybody's in love!

(background song : glee - taking chances)

"what makes today a good day, is the fact that today's a good day.( mind effed. )"

tgif eh? yeah. it's like everybody's in love with friday or something.

i think it's better to remove the word; "with friday or something."
i mean , EVERYBODY'S IN LOVE! except me. *i'm not desperate, I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT*

half of my friends ARE (not WERE) dating right now.
me? you know me, i'm not. (:

some of you might think that IT IS frustating to be in the class, where half of the students are in a relationship and you're not. right now, i'm in that position. and i can tell that, it isn't frustating at all.

maybe it's hard , when your friends were with their bf/gf and you just sat there, alone thinking, "what am i supposed to do now..." and your bad mood flows. [luckily, it didn't happen to me. but according to my other single friends? HEYYEAH.]

it's normal to be in love, it's normal to care with others more than you have to, it's normal to be in a relationship, it's normal.
world turns upside down , and school feels like heaven. it's normal.

but those things are not happening YET to me ( or us). maybe in a few years or maybe later. i'm not in the mood for something like that.

i'm happy to be me, i'm happy to be single. i'm happy to be..what i really am. i believe that, time does wonderful things. we'll see (:

sleep too much; insomnia.

so, i'll have a FINAL exam , starting tomorrow.

looks like i have to wake up right away.
well, actually i SLEPT too much.

or if i didn't sleep too much, my brain was running out of control.
did you ever feel like, your brain received too much something so you couldn't think of anything? geez, am i the only one in the world who feel that?

what i need to do : focus.

it's really hard for me to focus on something, i didn't understand why.
i think it's because my swinging moods, unpredictable feelings, and sometimes i could get really super duper lost, it made me hard to make up my mind. and still,
what i HAVE to do is

wake up.

thoughts.

some of you , asked the reason that i deleted some posts and changed every single/little thing in this blog.

it's all because, i changed my way of thinking.
previously, i wasn't really serious about everything and i always underestimated anything, without really thinking of the consequence, or we could say , my way of thinking was absurd, random.

and now, as you know, i changed. my absurd way of thinking suddenly disappeared. i thought that, if i keep on thinking absurd-ly, when will i get mature? or will i be mature? and so, i began to think logic, well perhaps, a little mature/different than i used to be.

my deleted posts? yeah, i DELETED some.
i learned something that, my posts weren't really important. even though it took me months to thought about this thing.

i may lost some stories, number of posts, pictures or something, but i still have them in my memories. and also, after i thought about it many many times, i realized that i better keep it to myself. even though posts here, means everything but i can always post again and again and again right?

at first, i was afraid that in the future i'll be regretting this. i already said in my former post; "time machine/mesin waktu" that regretting's just a waste of time and it just brings back all the sadness.

but i just took all the risks, i already promise myself NOT to regret things in the past, but to LEARN, learn to LIVE IN THE MOMENT, and made my past as an experience.

Letters to Juliet (2010)

(background song: someday we'll know - mandy moore)

and so, i watched "letters to juliet" just a week ago. i'm so terribly late, right? haha.
but hey, i didn't want to talk about how late i was, but i wanted to talk about the film. yeah we could say that..haha

in the middle of the film, amanda seyfried's character said this :

"What' and ‘if’ two words as nonthreatening as words come. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: ‘What if?' "

what if, they didn't want to be my friends anymore? what if, i didn't make it? what if, i couldn't be what they want me to be? what if, i wasn't good enough at school? what if, i didn't make them proud? and other what-if(s).

then i stopped a while and thought about it,

and i realized that, this whole time i was that girl, the "i-don't-have-any-confidence" girl.

i was just wondering "what if" " what if" ,while any of them didn't really happen.

and i realized again, that wondering "what if" the whole time , was just a waste of time.

what will really happen is , if you thought about those "what-if(s)" the whole time, IT WILL really HAPPEN. cause, indirectly that's ,what you EXPECTED things to be.

and so, i changed. even i was afraid that maybe i was still that kind of person. and i was just hoping that i AM not. :)

memory over moment

(courtesy of Oddisey SBM ITB 2010 romance group)
"erasing someone from your mind is easy, getting them out of your heart is another story"

***

Ia yang divonis mati atas pembunuhan terhadap adiknya sendiri, pembunuhan yang ia lakukan bagai tanpa motif

Ia yang mengabdikan dirinya pada hukum, terpanggil untuk menyelidiki gerak gerik seorang pemimpin organisasi kriminal

Ia yang akhirnya menemukan pasangan hidupnya, orang yang amat ia cintai. Namun cinta yang telah begitu tinggi, tidak mampu menyelesaikan segalanya.

Ia yang membuat berbagai boneka indah. Dari begitu banyak jenis dan bentuk kreasinya, hanya satu yang ia cintai. Begitu dalam.

Tak jauh dari mereka, berdiri seseorang yang tertutup bayangan, seseorang yang memperhatikan setiap gerakan. Dan mengatur setiap subjek dalam dunia mereka.

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